Last night I had a cookout/bbq/grill out/shin dig with the lead team of FC.  We jumped into conversation soon into our meal about people and whether we would rather be with people or be alone.
In order to quantify (in a very chill sort of way) the statistics, we numbered the results this way:

How many days of the week would you want to be with people?
How many days of the week would you want to be alone?

A few things to keep in mind that counted in the results:
First of all, “being with people” does not count being in an atmosphere that you are naturally in. For instance, being “at home” or “at work” or even in the case of the team last night, “at church” did not count.
For you, being “at church” might very well count if you don’t have to be there.
Secondly, “Being with people” only counts as the amount of days you would go somewhere you don’t have to be to spend time with someone else.
Thirdly, The time you would spend with said people would have to be at least one hour.
Lastly, This number doesn’t reflect what you might actually do, but what would like to do based completely on your natural tendencies or personality. 

Having said all of that, here are the results from some of the people there last night. 

Al Dancy:  7-0  He obviously doesn’t like to be alone.
Steve Blumer:  1-6 
Erica Dancy:  3-4
Ben Erickson:  4-3 not part of the lead team, but he likes food (and barely people).
Billy McGuiness:  6-1  Billy and Al should hang out, except for one day.
Carie Holman:  3-4
Jeff Campbell:  2-5  I can’t remember if this number is accurate.
Kiley Campbell:  3-4
Marty Holman:  5-2

Interesting huh?  A few things to keep in mind; First of all there is no win or losses here, everyone has different personalities.  Second, just because you are one thing doesn’t mean you can’t learn to do something more or less.  For instance, it would not be healthy for Al to be with people outside of his home seven days a week, and Steve is very very friendly when he’s out and about.  Just because you’re tendency is to stay in doesn’t mean you can’t learn to enjoy the company of people for the sake of bigger purposes in your life.  Also, and I’m not sure if this is just a coincidence, but all the ladies that gave answers answered the same way.  4-3.

Now help me out.  What do you think you are?

To find out what to, click here for one of my favorite posts.

A shameless attempt at capturing your attention.  This post is about relationships, not P.B., though I do mention it.

Occasionally things go unchecked…specifically in the form of relationships.  Stuff gets busy and next thing you know, those you love and care about the most get the shaft when it comes to time with you.
Think of all the things that need your attention:
Your spouse.
Your kids.
Your church.
Your extended family.
Your work.
Your friends.
Your finances.
Your extra curricular activities.

And by the time it’s all said and done, a lot of the time we are spread thin and time with the wife or the husband is almost non-existent. I don’t mean time as in, “Good morning honey, here’s your breakfast”or “I took the trash out, gotta run.”  I mean quality time with you and your spouse.  If you’re single, I mean quality time with the ones who you love the most and who love to pour out their lives into you.

Last night Carie and I returned home from a visit to visit Carie’s dad, and we realized we hadn’t spent enough time with just the two of us.  So I shut off my phone around 6:30 pm and we hung out, talked, watched some TV (Prison Break 3 represent), did a little cooking together, and focused on one another.  It was one of the best nights I’ve had this summer, and I’ve had several good ones.  But the truth is, we needed this time.  Busy had become a buzz word for our lives, and though I’m big on relationships, my relationship with Carie is the most important.

So how are you feeling with the status of that all-important earthly relationship?  Bring it back and check things out.  This cannot be left unchecked for long, or this is detrimental to the relationship.  Check yourself today.  When was the last time I spent good quality time with that person or those people I love the most?

You may be surprised by the answer.

To find out what to, click here for one of my favorite posts.

Besides your immediate family and a weekly church service or regular event, on average, how many people would you say that you see socially in a week?

Thats me, the fourth from the front on the left
I am so busy relationally right now, I can’t even believe it.
And I have no clue how to slow it down or even if I should slow it down.
My schedule is filled with people, people, people.
From people at Fellowship, to people in the Central Massachusetts area, to friends visiting from out of town.
I haven’t had a busier two months (July and August) relationally since college, but don’t tell anyone I went there.
A shout out to my beautiful wife Carie (third from the front on the right) for her patience and love through the busyness.

And all thanks to God!  I love my life!

Yesterday I went with a group of guys to what one might call a “guy comedy” type movie.  Please forgive me for stereotyping this way, but really it was the exact opposite of a “chick flick” so this is the best way to express what I was seeing.  I barrelled over in laughter more than a few times during the film, and though I would not recommend it (not because it wasn’t funny), I must say it did stimulate  “an audible expression or appearance of merriment” within me.

MY FAVE LINE IN THE MOVIE:  One of the characters was singing (not very good) to the other character, and afterwards, the one who was listening says with tears in his eyes,”Your voice is the combination of Fergie and Jesus.”  The way he said it made me laugh so hard I thought something was going to pop inside of me.  I now have this as a flair on my facebook account.  Thanks Neil.

So the whole point of this post is this:  Afterwards the four guys (including me) who saw the film stepped out of the theater laughing mildly and kind of calm.  Then one of us reminds us of one of the parts of the movie, then another of us, makes a quote from the movie, and we were off!  On our way back to the car, we started laughing.  I mean rolling.  Uncontrollable laughter.  We all jumped in the car, and there was more laughter.  I couldn’t even move the car because I was afraid of getting in an accident due to the tears rolling down my face.  And when we were about to stop, we would start laughing again. 

For five full minutes, four adult men in a car parked at the local movie theater laughed loud without being able to stop. It was one of the most hilarious things that have happened to me in a long time, and I’d like to thank Brandon, Brandon, and Neil for making it all possible.

I’ve never laughed so hard in all of my life.

I have news!  Catalystspace.com just featured an email I wrote for them on ministry in New England.

You can check it out here.

I’ll be at the Catalyst Conference in October!  Love to see you there in the ATL.

Recently I have been focusing most of my posts on relationships.  This is where I believe the most significant amount of change, both spiritual and otherwise, takes place.  And specifically In the relationships into which I pour myself.  Any relationship I have, I have as a result of the time and energy I’ve put into that relationship.  I would never blame other people for my inability to have a relationship with them.  I might blame differences in personality (which includes mine) or I might blame life’s circumstances (which also includes mine), but I would never blame someone else for not putting their time into my life.  It’s their time.  They can use it as they please.  It certainly is not anyone’s fault because they are busy or even because they didn’t want to respond.

I think sometimes we get misguided when we’re younger (let’s say 30 and under) because we see how our “infatuations” quickly turn into relationships and then incorrectly believe in some way that all of our relationships will be close and effortless.

But a relationship is hard work, especially if you are not particularly outgoing.  No.  Change that.  Even if you’re outgoing, because you have to put the effort in, and when you get shut down (which you very well may at first, and again, and again), then you have to keep trying – if you really want a relationship with that person.  “A man who has friends must himself be friendly” -Proverbs 18:24

I came to Massachusetts as a 23 year old who had a lot of friends in a lot of different places, and I quickly realized this 1 thing.  If I was going to have friends here in New England, it was going to be on me.  I was going to have to call or show up or send that email.  I also spent a lot of nights alone as a single, 20 something pastor who was told by more than one person on a given weekend night that they were busy.  But I kept calling and kept writing and kept showing up – response or no response. 

This is what a person does if a person wants to have a relationship with someone.

They relate.  And they don’t stop relating.

I have this dream. It’s a simple dream really. It starts and ends with people just enjoying being together and growing together. Not under the false pretenses of being a part of a certain status like economic, family, or religious experience, but under something deeper. It doesn’t seem deeper, but it is. By the simple idea that they just really enjoy one anothers company.

To start off, they (the people) might not exactly understand why they would want to be in this community, but they take a chance. A chance to learn, grow, live, influence, and maybe even laugh with their newfound community. Over time they would even use the word “love” to describe their journey with the community they have take a chance on.

Now remember, there is no common sense or special commonality that brings these people together, except maybe a strong desire to love God more, though they might not really understand what that means, and may not even really ever understand fully. So they meet regularly and eventually grow to a place where they can take a chance and influence others in their journey too.

Obstacles (and in some cases tools) to this dream are technology, complacency, prejudice, pride, and comfort. Taking a step towards community can be hard when you have a preconceived notion of what your day looks like,and change is hard to come by, but my dream relies on people all across New England moving out of that notion and connecting with God and people.

My dream is authentic community, and I have a long way to go. But here are 4 ATOMic steps and prayers I’m taking and praying to reach my dream:

1. Authentic community – “God, help us to drop our walls and be authentic.”
2. Transormation – “Transform us as we move toward You together.”
3. Outward reaching – “Help us to not be focused on ourselves, but to make reaching out to others
    habit we’ll never take for granted.”
4. Multiplication – “And use us to influence others to move into this journey we’re on.”

Critics please?

This is not our front porch, but a picture to capture your attention.

Carie and I have a front porch that has been used for years and years and years for storage.  Consequently, there is quite a build up of dirt, dust, paint chips and a general feeling of musty nastiness that overwhelms any person who dares to enter its doors.  Not to mention the buildup of storage that finds itself enslaved to the room.

Yesterday we went to war with it.  Carie and I, a few boxes of trash, and a desire to organize verses this monster of squalor and foulness.

At first we found ourselves with little energy to figure out “what to do with everything,” but as time went on, it grew easier.  By the time we had finished for the evening, we were in sync with the project and turning the once nasty room into, at the very least, a place we didn’t hide in shame whenever someone else looked in there.

It was hard.  It was hot.  At times, Carie and I didn’t agree with what to do with this or that (“throw it out!”  “No thats my SI magazine with Ben Roethlisberger on the cover”).  But in the end, because we had resided ourselves to finish this long overdue project, we triumphed over the mess.

Relationally, there are times we have a mess  to clean up, whether its in marriage, friendship, family life, or work.  Our tendency is to leave it as long as possible, or at least until we’re ashamed of it. But it needs to be taken care of, for your health, both mental and spiritual, and for the health of the others in your life.
Its going to be hard.  It’s going to be hot at times.  And there are times it will flat out suck.  But if it doesn’t get taken care of by both parties, it will suck even more.

Now, a question to make you think:
Without naming names, how many relationships in your life need to be ”cleaned up” right now?

Clay and I performing DC Talks “He loves me” in Monterrey, Mexico (1993)

Ridgeway and I hanging in one of our dorms (1996)

I’ve been pondering this subject for some time as much of my life is based on relationships, and so I thought I’d write a bit about it.  The topic:  Best Friends.

I used to think this was an important part of life.  I’ve had several “best friends” in my life who I still consider some of the greatest friends I will ever have.  Men like Clay and Ridgeway  and countless numbers of friends who have helped shape who I am today.

But now I question the validity of such titles and offer them up as a tool for segregating between who is really important to me (in my immaturity) and who is only nominally important to me.  For instance, if in high school, Clay was my best friend (which he was). This means that I could point out to everyone else (with an accepted title actually) that they are in some way inferior in our relationship than the relationship I have with Clay. 

What are the problems with this?  Well, it certainly could keep other friends from attempting to pour there life into mine, and therefore stunting the relational growth I could have had because of what that person had to offer.  And in a way, it breeds some sort of ownership of your “best friend” that they are “your best friend” and everyone else should keep away.

I think that as an adult, I should look for people who want to help me grow as a person, no matter who it is, and to look for people who I can pour my life into, not segregating between “who I’m close to now and who I won’t be close to because I’m already close to someone now.”  The truth is that “best friend” could someday be gone.  Thankfully though, “there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”

Who’s with me?  “Down with the ‘best friend movement’!  Down with the ‘best friend movement’!”

All this being said, Carie, my wife, is my best friend.

Roo, Stevie Mac, and I in Boston on July 4th 2003. Even though it was before Carie and I started dating, she was the one who bleached my hair for this event.

Brandon and I hanging out in the church kitchen, approximately 2000