This weekend is July 4th weekend.  I live in Massachusetts.

The big thing to do in Massachusetts on July 4th, and I mean really big, is go to Boston.  I’ve done this a few times now, and it is really big and really awesome.  The drawback is that millions of other people agree with you and will be there with you, making the ride to leave the city of Boston impossible to do at a decent hour.

A few years ago at Fellowship, we started a new “tradition” on the Sunday of July 4th weekend.  We began having an outdoor service and a party on our property that day.  Last year, the church surprised me by celebrating my 10th anniversary here at this church.  It’s amazing to be around the people you love.  To hang out and play games and talk and enjoy the beauty of God’s creation with your closest friends.

This year, the two events happen to coincide:  Boston’s July 4th, and the Party in the Park.

And if I had my choice (cause really I don’t this week), I’d go relational before I would experiential.

We love the experiential, don’t we?  To experience big things and huge events and the next great adventure.  But one thing I learned a long time ago is that if I had the choice to do experiential or relational, I should pick relational.  I should be where I know people love me and care about me.  I should pour into them and allow them to pour into me.  And I should wallow in the experience of being with my community.  This is why I’ve turned down free tickets to huge games and concerts to attend date night with my wife or small groups during the week.  Because I know at the end of the day, my wife, and the people I share life with, are going to be there with me long after the season ends or the newest tour is finished.

When I was in high school, I had the opportunity to travel on a trip to Mexico with my friends, classmates, and teachers.  It was kind of a missions trip and kind of a learning adventure to an area  of Mexico called Monterrey.  The trip had been planned and we were all pretty excited to go, when I received a call from my uncle Matt, telling me he had some tickets for me to see DC Talk at his church, and then he was sure I would be able to meet them.  I loved DC Talk!!!  It was going to be so epic, and I couldn’t wait, and it was right in the middle of my planned trip to Mexico.

Naturally, I begged my dad to let me go.  I told him it was only Mexico, like one country away, and I could save my traveling for going to a country farther away some day, and that this opportunity wouldn’t last forever, and that DC Talk’s Free at last was the best album ever.  My dad wasn’t feeling it though, and he calmly said I could go to any concert I wanted after I came back from Mexico.

I learned some big lessons on that trip.  I remember eating a jalapeno so hot that it made me vomit in the middle of the street.  I remember the exhilaration of having a high school crush to the experience of said crush taking my heart and crushing it in her cold bony fingers (that’s poetic more than literal, btw).  I remember the beauty of the mountains in Mexico, and the smell of the marketplace cooking in the towns.  But most of all, I remember the people I met there and the people with whom I traveled.  Amazing people.  People who poured into my life for years and helped make not only this experience, but most experiences in the early part of my life much better.

I’ve since gone to numerous DC Talk shows, and seen about 100 other incredible concerts since then, but the one thing I have since learned, that I believe helped change my life, was when it comes to making a decision – Should I do this or this? – Always make that decision with the people who love you the most in mind.

Experiences will come and go, but relationships will tell the world who you really were.

*By the way, this post isn’t even about how horrible July 4th in Boston is.  My friend Jay goes every year with his closest friends (minus me) and makes a day of it.

Francis Chan should be calling me any day now.

“I understand, I just won’t participate in it.”

Those are the words I shared with my wife this morning as we discussed the topic at hand.  A few weeks ago, a pastor I know twittered that he loves collaborating with pastors from around the area. I responded with a tweet that said something like, “Then lets get together soon _____________”  This is where the story gets good (this is, of course subjective).  The local pastor in question evidently goes to his gatekeeper/secretary/hall moniter and tells him/her to set up an appointment with me.

About a week later I receive an email from gk/sec./hm who informs me that there is a spot for me in the schedule and to let me know when’s good for me.

Now before I go any further, allow me to say, that despite the slightly sarcastic tone I’ve used thus far in this blog post, I affirm this person’s wise system of making sure his schedule is kept clean, neat, and free of distractions so he can work more effectively.  In fact, I could certainly learn from this type of mentality.  I’m not one of those people who believes that business practice and organization is bad for the church.  As you know though, via this blog, I am really into relationships, and Stop being a stubborn muleI don’t know if I want to participate in the frenzy or to add to the dude’s schedule.  This post is not really about him, it’s more about me.

Yesterday I spent about 4 hours with two guys who are rockin it for Jesus in the Boston area, and it was all done because one of them called the other one, then the other one called me.  We had a great time and I learned tons just talking through some of the elements of ministry we’ve all gone through.

But for whatever reason, I have a mindset to not get back to Gk/Sec/Hm, and at the same time if Buddy, Andy, or Francis‘s Gk/Sec/Hm emailed me and said they wanted to get together with me, I’d say, “Sure, how high do you want me to jump?” So basically what I’d like you to do today is to tell me…

to stop being a stubborn mule.

I guess I’ve finally figured it out, but it took me long enough.  I’ll describe the two scenarios.

Late last evening I found myself in a Greek pizzeria in the middle of nowhere U.S.A. (otherwise known as Rutland, MA).  I was sitting with a group of families that I have come to love being around in the last few years.  We talked about football, medicine, Spanish (yes, my wife was involved), and community.  I shared about me, and listened about them, and in the end, I had this incredible sense of fulfillment that I did not have even 2 hours before.

Earlier in the evening I played basketball with about 20% of the group in the pizzeria (our wives and children joined us for the festivities).  We played hard and we had fun, but in the end we came up short.  I was sick.  Not in the ‘my stomachs a bit too queasy and I think I have the swine’ sense, but more like the ‘I want to kick these bleachers across nowhere U.S.A’ sense.  I couldn’t believe we lost, and in the end – like most guys in the competitive world – I blamed myself.  “I could have done more,” assumed my internal thoughts battling for justification.

Then Carie and I drove to the pizzeria and enjoyed the company of most of the team.

And it was then, after only 34 years of living on this earth that it finally hit me.  I mean, I knew this intellectually, but not actually.  We could have won the game, and our smiles would have been a bit bigger and our conversation a bit more animated, but it didn’t really matter.  What mattered was the time I was spending with these friends, and the vehicle by which I met up with these friends happened to be basketball.  It could have been bridge or rummy or the 2nd episode of “House” on Fox, but it was basketball, and yet I finally realized (for real) that it wasn’t about the basketball at all.  That was just the vehicle, that one day when I get too old, I’ll trade in for the vehicle of golf.  I realized driving home from the pizzeria that evening that the reason I played in the first place was the friendships that are developing.  And I went home much more satisfied than even if we had won the game.

But I still hope the Steelers don’t learn this principle this year.

The last 5 days have been pretty much a summary of my current life in reference to my relationships, with the possible exception of my friends I talk to via the telephone who live away from Massachusetts.

Friday for lunch I met with a group of guys I meet up with every Friday at noon at the Finders Pub. We talked about marriage and why Billy was scared of it and about how our weeks were good or bad and how we could change them.

Friday after work Carie and I spent our date night double dating with our neighbors across the street.   We had a blast chatting and enjoying the company of a great couple we’re getting to know better.

Saturday we volunteered our time to help an incredible cause and some incredible friends who lead that cause.  Hearts for Heat held an awards/volunteer appreciation dinner and I was able to speak and help clean up afterward.

Saturday night was spent talking to my dad for an hour or so, watching Michigan football, and studying for Sundays message.  You can download the talk (and any of my Sunday messages) here.

Sunday morning @ Fellowship was awesome as I was able to serve our church community, fellowship with great friends, and hang out with a group of new college students in our church.

After a sweet nap, Sunday evening served as date night for Carie and I, and we had a great time “dating”.  Lots of great conversation, playing “Lost Cities”, and watching “No Country for Old men” (definitely not a date movie)  brought on a great time together, which was good because Monday we wouldn’t be seeing much of each other.

On Monday after work, my basketball team came together again to play in our Rutland league.  We didn’t win, but I love playing basketball with those guys.  They are such a good group of guys, and it was really fun seeing them again.  After the game, I stopped by a friend ‘s house who was watching the Pats/Bills game on his patio with his sons.  We talked and watched and enjoyed MNF on the patio.

This morning, after a whopping 4.5 hours of sleep and continued soreness as I jumped out of bed, I drove to the Y, where I played some more basketball with more guys who I love to play with every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday.  I’m paying for it now, but I love being able to play ball and spend time with this group of guys.

I tell you all this because about 3 years ago I felt like I didn’t really have very many real relationships.  I talked to a lot of people on Sundays but during the week it seemed like I had fallen into some sort of relational slump brought on by laziness and complacency.   I then made a conscious effort to take myself out of my comfort zone and do some things that I hadn’t done in a while because I was comfortable and my life was good – things like meet new people and exercise and pour into my already existing relationships and yes, even walk away from others if they were in any way pulling me down.

So today I sit here in a local coffeeshop, soaking in the current silence of the atmosphere, not talking to anyone, and thanking God for the people He’s putting into my life…

and the people He’s going to put into my life.

Bruno - the only dog I like

I don’t like the dogmatic or dogs.  The former is where my focus will be today.  I’ll save the latter for another day.

Perhaps its my personality or perhaps it is how I was raised, but something in me bears a disdain for the dogmatic that wreaks havoc on some of the relationships in my life.  You see, it’s not just that I don’t like “dogma” – the religious kind or otherwise – but I don’t really like dogmatic people.  I’m really trying to work on this, because of the whole “Jesus wants me to love my enemies” thing, but it’s still hard.

Consider this.  As a Christ follower, I have read up on and been influenced by a biblical world view. I guess you’d say that I am dogmatic about it in my own life as I believe the Holy Spirit has opened my eyes about some things scripturally, and now I am a new person.  This is wholeheartedly what I believe about me, and I pray that it would not stop with me but that I would have the opportunity to influence others.

But one thing I always want to remember is how that influence happens.  I never want that influence to stem from my talent or my ability to manipulate a situation, but simply put (and perhaps not so simply explained) through the work of the Holy Spirit in someone’s life.

So how does this attitude affect my relationships?  In the world of the Christ follower, there are many different ways to influence. And the dogmatic extremists point to their way of “getting things done” as the way God uses people.  While I couldn’t even imagine believing that the way Fellowship Church does things is THE way to “do church”, the dogmatics imply (and certainly many times say) that their way is the way to do it, and I’ve finally figured out how:  Labels.

If I can place a label on someone, and that label is perceived as negative by those around me, then I have done my job of manipulating a situation to further what I think about life, and maybe even to gain more positive attention to myself.  If I call someone a radical conservative or a stinking liberal (or yes, even a dogmatic extremist), then all the people who identify with the one I identify with will scream “amen”, “hallelujah” and maybe even form a picket line against my enemies.

That’s the easy way out.  The hard way is to connect with those I disagree with and choose to love them.  The dogmatic, the conservative, and the liberal.  Then attempt to love on them like I love my party line cronies, or better yet, like I love myself.  This is the way of Jesus.  But it doesn’t have to stop there, then we can influence one another and begin to realize the places God is taking us because of our relationship.

I really want to work on this.  It’s easier for me to ignore my enemies and to let them do their thing, while I do mine, and to be honest, I think there is a time and a place for that.  But so much more can be accomplished when I put desires away and start acting like Christ.

But as it is right now, I’ll probably start loving dogs first.

I’m not very good at meeting new people.  Being an extrovert doesn’t always mean you just walk up to people and start sharing your life, does it?  But I’ve been working on this recently.  Somewhere along the way I started keeping to myself more than I wanted to meet new people.  This could be the “New England” effect happening to me, who knows?

All that being said, I’ve tried to think about some of my friends who are fabulous examples of meeting new people through spontaneity, and I wanted to share some of those examples.

* (Webster, Massachusetts) My friend, Ruben Cimbron passed out gospel tracts in 1998 to girls walking by our house by asking them, “How would you like to spend eternity with me in paradise?”

* (Somewhere on the road to Waterville Valley, NH) Angela Greene started up a conversation with a guy by asking him what the writing on his shirt was all about.

* Joe Shea starts up conversations all the time by finding the common ground between him and another person.

*Carie making a batch of cookies and taking them over to our neighbors for no reason at all than to say hello.

* (another Ruben example) Ruben and I used to start up conversation (and get free food) all the time in fast food restaurants by creating straw figures and giving them to people.

One common thread I find in each of these examples springs from the idea that each time one of these “extroverts” meets someone and connects, they highlight the well-being of the person they are connecting with.  In other words, they are not trying to sell something or get them to do something (with the possible exception of the first example, used more for comic purposes than anything else), but they are interested in what the other person they are meeting has to say.

And I want to be more like that.

On this page, I share a layout on what my regular blog writings will be about.  They focus on relationships, something I have a passion to build in myself and others.  Unfortunately, today’s topic was one of which I was not quite ready.  You see, I’m still learning how to build influence.  I think and pray about it all the time:  “How can I begin to influence new people, new friends, in my life?”  Jesus said, “You are the light of the world” but I don’t feel like it a lot of the time.  I feel like there’s a lot more to be done, and I want to be a part of that.  I hope you’ll be a part of that with me as I write and study and learn how to influence people to love God and love people more.  So let’s get to it.  I hope next week I’ll have a great story of how I’m learning the topic of influence in a big way.

Oh boy, I have a lot of work to do.

We tend to look at how successful something is or isn’t in the context of time.  How was your summer?  Your semester?  Your school year?  Your year?

One month of 2009 is now finished and we are into month number 2, typically known as February.  So I’ve begun to think of the first month of my 2009, and asked myself how my year is going?

Am I reaching my goals?  Building relationships?  Forming new ones?

I don’t want to waste a year of my life, and wonder what happened to it.  I want to live the way I’m called to live.  With a calling from God to connect and point people to God through Jesus!  I want to make the most of my time.  I want to fall more in love with Carie.    I want to love you as myself. I want to see the beauty of God’s creation, and see things through His eyes.  And…

I want to say “GO STEELERS!  World Champions baby!

So the T-mobile commercials are great!  They always make me laugh, and I always think about who my “Top 5″ would be if I had one of their phones (which I don’t).

But then I constantly go deeper in the thought process and now would like to challenge you to think about who are the “Top 5″ people you would like to influence and pour your life into in 2009.

Not saying it couldn’t be bigger, but if you’re not intentional about influencing people, it probably won’t happen.  So think it over, who do you want to influence and make your “top 5″ or “top 20″ this year?

Alphabetical order please?

p.s. I’m not asking you to pick your clique or only talk to these people.

Before I get into my post for the day, it appears there are some nice guys out there still.  Specifically one named Romo, who was not even out for the publicity.  Earth to Romo:  It makes it really hard to hate the Cowboys as I’ve done all my life if you continue to pull stunts like this.

Now on to the real reason we’ve come together.

I am on the phone a lot.  I mean a lot.  It seems sometimes that the phone is permanently atached to my ear, and I hate the feeling when the phone gets warm and begins to melt into my ear hole.  But I have quite a few friends and I try to stay in touch with them on a regular basis, as well as people who I’m pouring my life into here at the FC.

But sometimes it gets out of control when I’m forgetting some people and don’t have time to call others and I talk to others too much.  I mean, I’m trying to balance my life here, so how do I do this?

Well this morning I created a call list of people that I need to call on a weekly basis, people I need to call on a monthly basis, and people I need to call on a quarterly basis.  I do this, not so it can become a routine, but because I care about the people in my life and want to be intentional about keeping in contact with them.  So out of authenticity, I’ve decided to share with you some people I owe a call to very soon, and pray that they will forgive me for the injustices I have cast upon them.

Brian Wilson
Garret Walker
My two sets of grandparents – I am such scum!
Clay Davis
Chad Ridgeway
Remy Range
Ray Pierce
Brian Howe
Brandon King
Cj Maloney
Jim and Brandon Peper
Sue Huey
Tim Payne
Gary Trimm

This is not the call list, and I certainly will not show it to you, however, it is a few people I have not called on the list in an appropriate amount of time.  Shame on me.

So this is something I’m doing to help myself keep in contact with friends and associates and become wiser with my time in the area of communication.  If you would like to be added to the list, please let me know.

Is there anyone you should have called by now?