If I was looking from the outside at the life of a Christ follower, probably the thing that would intrigue me the most would be the “talking to God” thing.  I mean, why in the world would anyone take a chance at talking to a being that you’ve only been told exists?  You’ve never actually seen God, Marty, so why talk to him and risk being linked in with the wacky crowd?

And if I were to answer myself who is looking outside at myself who is talking to God, what I would say is that I don’t fear the risk of being labeled “wacky” for God.  I do fear misrepresenting God or presenting something I say as “from God” that is not really from God, but I don’t fear being “wacky for God.”

You see, anyone who has ever been anything in regards to the passion they have for something has been labeled as “wacky” some time or another for the object of their affection.  Whether its Heath Ledger taking on the passion of acting, Ernest Hemingway and writing, or Michael Jackson, the king of pop, these people have all been labeled “excessive” for the fields of their passion.

I have a passion for God.  And though I don’t make people drink strange kool aid or tell them a space ship is going to take us all up into heaven if we destroy ourselves together, I do have a strong desire to connect with Him more than I have for making large amounts of money or “living the good life.”  So I talk to Him.

Today there will come a point where I shut my computer off, my music, my phone, and walk away from people, and I talk to only Him.  I don’t ask Him to bring me lots of good things like Santa or to heal every person I know who is deteriorating like I’m some sort of witch doctor, but I just want him to know I’m here and I’d like to know more about Him, and what he wants me to do.  I frequently share with Him some of the great things I believe him to be, and lift Him up as the most important part of my life.

And if that makes me “wacky”, so be it.

God,

Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m good enough. And sometimes I feel like there’s not enough time in the day, and then I feel like even if there was enough time in the day, it wouldn’t matter, because it would feel like I wouldn’t be good enough for it to really matter.

And sometimes I get so confused.  Confused because some people say I’m not into you enough, and some people say I’m into you too much.  Some say word for word and line by line and others say it’s the thought that counts, and I constantly question whether I’m doing this whole thing right.

Then sometimes it doesn’t seem fair.  It doesn’t seem that way because life seems easy for some and hard for others.  Honestly, it seems easy for me when some people go through so much more, and I don’t know what to think about that.

So I guess I just want to tell you that I’m thankful that I don’t worship my own feelings and talents, or other people’s opinions on my relationship with You, or the circumstances of this life, but I worship You, and who You are, through the good, the bad, the seemingly inconsistent, the people-on all “sides” of the issues, and through everything that ever happens.

Thanks for listening.

I have a prayer journal I’ve  written in every once in a while since January 2000.  This morning I reviewed this entry written 5 years ago this month when Carie and I started dating:

Dear God,

I guess my desire is to be a man for you.  Like my grandfathers and my dad.  What examples you have given me and laid out in front of me.  I long to be like your Son Jesus Christ every day.  To reach new heights, and to love you like I never thought possible.
I also desire to love others in a true, honest, and pure way. 
And one more thing…I also want to grow old with Carie, and have a relationship that is ALL about you.  I want to grow and I want to help her to grow.  I need to be strong!
Help God!  Help!

I love You.
Marty

This weekend is our last weekend of “One Prayer” at Fellowship Church in Holden.
Tomorrow we will be going out as a church community to serve by claiming a street for the Kingdom of God and cleaning up the trash on that street.
On Sunday we’ll be hearing a message from Craig Croeschel of LifeChurch.tv, as he prays his one prayer for the church at large – “Make us One”  Here are two examples of some of the excellent things Craig has done in his community and beyond.
For those of you who have been a part of One Prayer, both at the FC or elsewhere,
I’d love to hear your thoughts on how it’s impacted you.

SUNDAY MORNINGS @ FELLOWSHIP  (10:30 am)
325 BULLARD ST.
HOLDEN, MA 01520
fellowshipthis.wordpress.com