I seem to attract phone calls between the hours of 10 pm and 6 am, or maybe it’s my job, though many of the calls I receive are not tied to my job.  The first one I remember receiving was the summer of 2000.  In the summer of 1999, The crew I hung out with at the time and I made a habit of doing foolish things.  Among those foolish thing – pick up lines.  We would make up these wretched pick up lines and practice them before going out and using them as a means to meet new people.  The lines weren’t really to be used for “picking up” females, but as a tool to start conversations.  This was, at least, what we told ourselves.  Creativity was important, as was shock value.

My favorite:  We would pass our gospel tracts to ladies we would pass in the town where a few of us lived and say:  “Excuse me, would you be interested in hanging out with me in paradise someday?”

But there was one that we all had in our minds was amazing, that as I look back now, I think was really kind of stupid.  But it was the one no one would try.  One night we stayed out till late doing whatever it is that we did, and eventually I had to leave and go to bed.  I worked as a DJ for a radio station at the time and had to be up at 4:00 am, so I figured I should at least be asleep by 2 am.  The rest of our crew went to Denny’s for a late night snack.  While they were there, Roo (one of the crew) saw this “amazingly beautiful” girl and decided to walk over the the booth where this girl sat with three of her friends and try the line that had not been tested.

So he strutted over to the booth that held the girls in place, and sat next to the girl in question.  With his deep blue eyes (please understand, Roo had deep blue eyes), he smiled at her and said the words, “Those are nice shoes you’re wearing, wanna make out?”  A dramatic pause hung over both tables as the girls at the table digested what the strange young man had said, and then as the “amazingly beautiful” girl mulled over what her response would be.

“No.  But you guys can come over here and talk to us.”  She replied.  More awkward silence, and then everyone laughed.

Ironically after an evening of conversation and fun, the “amazingly beautiful” girl decided to ask another one of the guys in the crew out, and they went out.  (We’ll call him Joe)  Joe was much younger than Roo and “AB girl”, but evidently they had a fabulous time on their “date” and decided to go out again.  This relationship took off, but the problem was that they lived two very different lives.  Joe was a missionary kid who was currently enrolled in Bible college, and “AB girl” was none of those things and more.

To make a long story short, “AB girl” never became a Bible college student or a missionary, but Joe became the opposite of those things, eventually deciding to start living with “AB girl” and hanging out with a different crew of people all together.  I don’t judge him for that, but I do judge me for not knowing how to encourage him properly through the process.

One summer night  in the summer of 2000 while I slept deeply as I like to do, I received a call from Joe, crying his eyes out, and begging me to come get him.  I said, “Where are you?”  I asked in my normal voice at 3:30 am, which I’ve been told, sounds a lot like Katherine Hepburn talking over a vacuum.  “At her house,” he responded, sounding defeated and lost.  “Just come get me quick.”  I woke my eyes up, jumped out of bed, and drove the 10 minutes to his new/old house, where I picked him up on the curb that humid summer morning.

I never went back to bed.

Ya know, sometimes I’m self-centered enough to think that there are people who wouldn’t care or not if I talked to them, so I sheepishly ignore what could be meeting a new friend or at the very least what could be a very interesting conversation because I’m afraid they’ll reject me.  What I’m really saying, of course, is my comfort is way more important than whether or not they might gain a new friend in me.

Sam decided to jump on my shoulders for this picture, maybe in celebration of going to someone and saying "hello"?

As a single 23 year old however, there is a completely different dynamic involved in going and up to a complete stranger who happens to be a member of the opposite gender and introducing yourself.  At least this was my perception, as a self centered egotist juvenile. (I can be quite hard on myself, huh?)  In the summer of 1999, I traveled with a group of my friends to Creation Music Festival in the middle of Nowhere, Pa to embark on a pluthera of christian concerts and a large amount of fun.  I traveled that year with Ruben, Al, Sam,  and Sherry.  We were all close and I had wanted to attend Creation since my days as a DC Talk lovin wannabee rapper from the North Side (Of Ohio, that is).

One day during the festival, Sam and I were sitting next to a tree in between day concerts outside the enormous outdoor amphitheater which hosted the main events.  Watching people walk back and forth wasted a lot of down time throughout the 4 days, and we had been sitting talking for about an hour.  All of a sudden, 18 year old Sam looks out at the port a potties, about 50 feet away across a busy walking path, and his mouth drops open.  I quickly said, “What are you staring at?”  To which all he could do was point.  Then he pointed at her, the female my friends (though not Sherry) would eventually nickname, “The Italian Goddess”.

After taking time to soak everything in, Sam says to me, “You have to go talk to her.”  I said, “Should I step over your tongue first?  You clearly are awe struck.  You go talk to her.”  He replied, “I can’t.  She’s a bit too old for me.  But not for you.”  I quipped as he continued to stare, “No offense taken in case you were wondering.  I can’t talk to her.”  “Why not?” Sam inquired.
“Because the minute I go talk to her, some 7 foot male model with no shirt is going to walk up to her, take her arm, and I’m going to be stuck there, watching you laugh your tail off at my failure.”
For the next half hour, he pushed me and pushed me to walk across to port a pot row and talk to her.  But it was more evident now that she wasn’t standing there waiting for the little blue buildings to open up, but she was waiting for someone specific to come and whisk her away from the place where she stood.

The more he pushed, the more I pulled.  I wanted to stand up and walk over there, but I couldn’t.  Something kept me down and it’s full name was pride full jackass.  Finally after almost 45 minutes of intense pushing, I stood up and walked her direction.  As I did, she started walking away.  I couldn’t believe it!  How did she know?  Oh, I thought, she’s walking toward the concession stand. It was a steamy hot day in the end of June, and no doubt a cold beverage was on the menu.  Like a creepy old man I followed her to the line, then someone stepped in front of me, so if I stayed in line, I would have to wait till  impatient guy finished ordering and got his food or drink.

She ordered water.  Then walked a few steps away and stopped, staring back at the place she stood at for the previous 45 minutes.  Still no one she recognized.  The impatient guy ordered a burger, of course, causing the wait to be longer for me then necessary.  Then it was my turn to order.  Not many people could say when they ordered and drank their first ever bottled water, but I can tell you right now that June 29, 1999 was the first time I ever bought anything at a concession stand other than a carbonated beverage.  It really was the first time I ever bit into the biggest money making hoax in all of history – bottled water.

Now when I got into the line, Sam, understanding me better than many did at that time, walked over to two other females (that were more his age, I guess) and asked them to him a favor.  He told them my story and how he had pushed me to talk to this lady-in-waiting, and he asked them to – if I got out of the line and stopped short of starting a conversation with her- say to me in unison, “You should have talked to her.”

So I get out of line, and she’s standing about 15 feet away.  I walk 8 feet and stop.  She is slowly walking away, when Sam’s two little elf girls say to me in unison, “You should have talked to her.”  I looked over at they are laughing and laughing and there I am, realizing how weak I was.  Then I had a strange thought.  Even if I get rejected by the Port O Pot Princess, Sam and I have already met some new new friends.  So gathering all my strength, I walked up to the future nicknamed, “Italian Goddess” and said…

“Hello.  How do you like Creation so far?”