A sunny chilly day in Worcester, Massachusetts found me driving to pick up my friend Jason Destratis for lunch at Moe’s.  As Carie and I are attempting to be wise with our money, I was jubilant about our restaurant choice because I had a coupon for a free meal at Moes.  Both Jay and I requested the attendance of our friend Steve Bramlett to join us, but he had foolishly locked himself into a staff meeting where he works.

For whatever reason I found myself quite warm driving to pick Jay up, and rolled the windows down, which of course is another way of saying I pushed a button to mechanically lower the pane of glass.  The sun shone brightly down onto my face and for a short time the 33 degrees felt like 75.  When I picked Jay up, there was no doubt where we were going and there was no doubt what we were hungry for – The Homewrecker, chips, salsa, and maybe even a bit of queso.

As I drove onto Lincoln St. the driver of a car in one lane decided very quickly to steer into my lane, causing me to face the Lincoln St. Plaza, almost perpendicular to the 5 year old haven of materialism and gluttony.  Target, Lowe’s, Barnes and Nobles, Texas Roadhouse, and Papa Gino’s are just a few of the eating and shopping establishments dedicated to causing us to stumble in the aforementioned areas of decadence.

I watched as Jason leaned over to see (perhaps for the first time) the newest restaurant being added to the  collection of “the Man” machines (thank you Homey the clown, circa 1991), 5 Guys, burgers and fries. “Is it open?” Jay said, salivating like an 13 year old girl over a Thanksgiving feast of Twilightian Vampires during a new moon. “I don’t think so man” I said almost regretfully.  Then with a glimmer of hope, while turning my right blinker on, I said, “But we can always find out!”

As we drove in, the plaza appeared a bit chaotic, but this was because of the Christmas season and shopping and had little to do with 5 Guys, so we drove past the store slowly, and though there appeared to be a few people in the newest greasy spoon in town, I hypothesized that training was going on before the big day, whenever that might be.  So Jay made the call:  ”All right, let’s just head down to Moe’s.”  Just then appeared in my vision a phone number – 508-853-2000 – you can call it right now to see if its for real.

Done?  Good, on with the story.

As I drove away I decided to call the number to see if they actually were open.  ”Hello, 5 guys,” the young lady cheerily answered as she picked up the phone.  I only assume she picked up the phone, though she could have just rolled it up, like my car window.  ”Yes,” I said happy to get a response, “Are you ‘guys’ open yet?  Even if it’s just 1 of you?”  ”Huh?”  ”Nothing, are you open for business yet?”  ”Oh, no, I’m sorry,” she said, having might as well of stabbed me with a cajun fry, and then taken it back.  ”We open tomorrow.”  ”Okay, thank you” I said trying to sound undissapointed and non desperate for the kind of grease that coats your arteries and gets people like House to theorize what’s wrong with me.

“But you can come get some free food” she countered quickly with an obvious smile in her voice that you didn’t need videophone to see.  Now I was responding “huh?”  ”Yes, from now (11:58 am) until 1:30 pm we’re giving away free food.”  I hung up.  I didn’t need to be polite.  I would be seeing her in about 26 seconds.

So Jay and I jumped out of the car and walked with springs in our step and smiles on our faces into the red and white checkered chamber of clogging.  We found what the phone answerer said to be true, ordered and then did our part to help the hour and a half event go viral.  From Twitter to Facebook to phone calls, we did it all, and eventually accompanied by our friends, Billy, Al, and Jake.

And that my friends, is how 5 guys got free food at 5 Guys.

Steve Bramlett would have made it 6.