Recently I’ve been remembering this one boy who attended my junior high (middle school).  Let’s call him John  (of course, we’d be calling him John because that was not his name).  John was a nice enough kid, but he was a real manipulator.  Everyone seemed to like him, but there was always something about John that I shyed away from.  At times I thought it was because I was jealous of his popularity with the junior high girls, but there was something deeper going on that I never really realized until now.

When John didn’t get his way, he wouldn’t cry and scream, he would only pout.  Cryin’ and screamin’, after all, were looked at in a junior high environment as  things that babies do.  Pouting, for whatever reason, drew girls to John like a paper clip to a magnet.  Over time though, pouting became a less desirable draw for the girls and the friends that he hadn’t pushed away while feeding on the attention of the girls.  So John used more intense methods of manipulation.  I’ll let you use your imagination on what those “more intense methods” were, but let’s just say that as a sheltered junior higher from the corn fields of Ohio, his behavior shocked me, and made me feel bad for him at the same time.  Not “bad” in the way that he probably wanted me to feel, but a pity that caused me to define him as weak and manipulative as opposed to the strong and “cool” place I placed him in my mind before – to watch out for his tactics rather than to try and help him.

I’ve never been very good at manipulation.  Sure I’ve tried it in the past, but each time I do, I pity myself just as I pitied John those many years ago.  It is not my job to make people do what I want them to do.

Relationally, this gets real “iffy” in light of being a Christ follower.  Being a part of a pastors family growing up, and now being a pastor, and being in church all of my life, I cannot begin to tell you how much manipulation takes place in the name of God, relationally.  It comes in all shapes and sizes, and filled with stories of hurt feelings, strained relationships, and ludicrous methods of manipulation that usually starts with something like:  “God wants you to…” or “God wants me to…”.   And manipulation is not about just one particular position in the body of Christ.  It could be the pastor or a deacon or church attender or someone who hardly comes at all.   So personally we must be aware of when it is happening.

The beautiful thing about this post, is that there are ways to find out whether or not you have a manipulation problem.  If you read this, and scanned your own life, questioning any ways in which you might be manipulative, you might have a problem, but you’ll be okay.  There’s a tendency in all of us to lean this way through our own insecurities.  If you read this and thought about all the people in your life who have wronged you…

Get help now!