Ya know, sometimes I’m self-centered enough to think that there are people who wouldn’t care or not if I talked to them, so I sheepishly ignore what could be meeting a new friend or at the very least what could be a very interesting conversation because I’m afraid they’ll reject me.  What I’m really saying, of course, is my comfort is way more important than whether or not they might gain a new friend in me.

Sam decided to jump on my shoulders for this picture, maybe in celebration of going to someone and saying "hello"?

As a single 23 year old however, there is a completely different dynamic involved in going and up to a complete stranger who happens to be a member of the opposite gender and introducing yourself.  At least this was my perception, as a self centered egotist juvenile. (I can be quite hard on myself, huh?)  In the summer of 1999, I traveled with a group of my friends to Creation Music Festival in the middle of Nowhere, Pa to embark on a pluthera of christian concerts and a large amount of fun.  I traveled that year with Ruben, Al, Sam,  and Sherry.  We were all close and I had wanted to attend Creation since my days as a DC Talk lovin wannabee rapper from the North Side (Of Ohio, that is).

One day during the festival, Sam and I were sitting next to a tree in between day concerts outside the enormous outdoor amphitheater which hosted the main events.  Watching people walk back and forth wasted a lot of down time throughout the 4 days, and we had been sitting talking for about an hour.  All of a sudden, 18 year old Sam looks out at the port a potties, about 50 feet away across a busy walking path, and his mouth drops open.  I quickly said, “What are you staring at?”  To which all he could do was point.  Then he pointed at her, the female my friends (though not Sherry) would eventually nickname, “The Italian Goddess”.

After taking time to soak everything in, Sam says to me, “You have to go talk to her.”  I said, “Should I step over your tongue first?  You clearly are awe struck.  You go talk to her.”  He replied, “I can’t.  She’s a bit too old for me.  But not for you.”  I quipped as he continued to stare, “No offense taken in case you were wondering.  I can’t talk to her.”  “Why not?” Sam inquired.
“Because the minute I go talk to her, some 7 foot male model with no shirt is going to walk up to her, take her arm, and I’m going to be stuck there, watching you laugh your tail off at my failure.”
For the next half hour, he pushed me and pushed me to walk across to port a pot row and talk to her.  But it was more evident now that she wasn’t standing there waiting for the little blue buildings to open up, but she was waiting for someone specific to come and whisk her away from the place where she stood.

The more he pushed, the more I pulled.  I wanted to stand up and walk over there, but I couldn’t.  Something kept me down and it’s full name was pride full jackass.  Finally after almost 45 minutes of intense pushing, I stood up and walked her direction.  As I did, she started walking away.  I couldn’t believe it!  How did she know?  Oh, I thought, she’s walking toward the concession stand. It was a steamy hot day in the end of June, and no doubt a cold beverage was on the menu.  Like a creepy old man I followed her to the line, then someone stepped in front of me, so if I stayed in line, I would have to wait till  impatient guy finished ordering and got his food or drink.

She ordered water.  Then walked a few steps away and stopped, staring back at the place she stood at for the previous 45 minutes.  Still no one she recognized.  The impatient guy ordered a burger, of course, causing the wait to be longer for me then necessary.  Then it was my turn to order.  Not many people could say when they ordered and drank their first ever bottled water, but I can tell you right now that June 29, 1999 was the first time I ever bought anything at a concession stand other than a carbonated beverage.  It really was the first time I ever bit into the biggest money making hoax in all of history – bottled water.

Now when I got into the line, Sam, understanding me better than many did at that time, walked over to two other females (that were more his age, I guess) and asked them to him a favor.  He told them my story and how he had pushed me to talk to this lady-in-waiting, and he asked them to – if I got out of the line and stopped short of starting a conversation with her- say to me in unison, “You should have talked to her.”

So I get out of line, and she’s standing about 15 feet away.  I walk 8 feet and stop.  She is slowly walking away, when Sam’s two little elf girls say to me in unison, “You should have talked to her.”  I looked over at they are laughing and laughing and there I am, realizing how weak I was.  Then I had a strange thought.  Even if I get rejected by the Port O Pot Princess, Sam and I have already met some new new friends.  So gathering all my strength, I walked up to the future nicknamed, “Italian Goddess” and said…

“Hello.  How do you like Creation so far?”

Today is Thursday, which means that I write about influence with new friends.  I started this topic because I never want to grow complacent in my relationships, but really want to meet new people.  So today I challenge myself.
I’m having a few guys over to watch the Steelers-Titans game tonight, and I know all of them.  You probably think that’s normal.  So do I.  But today, sometime in between now and kick-off at 8:30, I’ll be inviting someone I don’t know to my house to watch the game.  The theory is that at that point, I’ll get to know them better.  They don’t even have to like the Steelers, only respect the game of football.

Anybody have any suggestions on who I should invite?

I’m not very good at meeting new people.  Being an extrovert doesn’t always mean you just walk up to people and start sharing your life, does it?  But I’ve been working on this recently.  Somewhere along the way I started keeping to myself more than I wanted to meet new people.  This could be the “New England” effect happening to me, who knows?

All that being said, I’ve tried to think about some of my friends who are fabulous examples of meeting new people through spontaneity, and I wanted to share some of those examples.

* (Webster, Massachusetts) My friend, Ruben Cimbron passed out gospel tracts in 1998 to girls walking by our house by asking them, “How would you like to spend eternity with me in paradise?”

* (Somewhere on the road to Waterville Valley, NH) Angela Greene started up a conversation with a guy by asking him what the writing on his shirt was all about.

* Joe Shea starts up conversations all the time by finding the common ground between him and another person.

*Carie making a batch of cookies and taking them over to our neighbors for no reason at all than to say hello.

* (another Ruben example) Ruben and I used to start up conversation (and get free food) all the time in fast food restaurants by creating straw figures and giving them to people.

One common thread I find in each of these examples springs from the idea that each time one of these “extroverts” meets someone and connects, they highlight the well-being of the person they are connecting with.  In other words, they are not trying to sell something or get them to do something (with the possible exception of the first example, used more for comic purposes than anything else), but they are interested in what the other person they are meeting has to say.

And I want to be more like that.