Recently I’ve been remembering this one boy who attended my junior high (middle school).  Let’s call him John  (of course, we’d be calling him John because that was not his name).  John was a nice enough kid, but he was a real manipulator.  Everyone seemed to like him, but there was always something about John that I shyed away from.  At times I thought it was because I was jealous of his popularity with the junior high girls, but there was something deeper going on that I never really realized until now.

When John didn’t get his way, he wouldn’t cry and scream, he would only pout.  Cryin’ and screamin’, after all, were looked at in a junior high environment as  things that babies do.  Pouting, for whatever reason, drew girls to John like a paper clip to a magnet.  Over time though, pouting became a less desirable draw for the girls and the friends that he hadn’t pushed away while feeding on the attention of the girls.  So John used more intense methods of manipulation.  I’ll let you use your imagination on what those “more intense methods” were, but let’s just say that as a sheltered junior higher from the corn fields of Ohio, his behavior shocked me, and made me feel bad for him at the same time.  Not “bad” in the way that he probably wanted me to feel, but a pity that caused me to define him as weak and manipulative as opposed to the strong and “cool” place I placed him in my mind before – to watch out for his tactics rather than to try and help him.

I’ve never been very good at manipulation.  Sure I’ve tried it in the past, but each time I do, I pity myself just as I pitied John those many years ago.  It is not my job to make people do what I want them to do.

Relationally, this gets real “iffy” in light of being a Christ follower.  Being a part of a pastors family growing up, and now being a pastor, and being in church all of my life, I cannot begin to tell you how much manipulation takes place in the name of God, relationally.  It comes in all shapes and sizes, and filled with stories of hurt feelings, strained relationships, and ludicrous methods of manipulation that usually starts with something like:  “God wants you to…” or “God wants me to…”.   And manipulation is not about just one particular position in the body of Christ.  It could be the pastor or a deacon or church attender or someone who hardly comes at all.   So personally we must be aware of when it is happening.

The beautiful thing about this post, is that there are ways to find out whether or not you have a manipulation problem.  If you read this, and scanned your own life, questioning any ways in which you might be manipulative, you might have a problem, but you’ll be okay.  There’s a tendency in all of us to lean this way through our own insecurities.  If you read this and thought about all the people in your life who have wronged you…

Get help now!

As a subscriber to boingboing.net, I was immersed today, as I caught up on my blog reading, in a main topic of conversation – The 30 year anniversary of the largest mass suicide in history.  In 1978, Pastor Jim Jones coerced and in some cases intimidated his followers into drinking kool-aid laced with cyanide and other toxins that killed them, including hundreds of children.

I read tons of articles, and watched a PBS special on the background of Jones’ story, and I am filled with horror at what took place during this time.  What started out as a group of people trying to create a utopic society, became a nightmare for thousands of members and family.

Here was a man with a mission “from God” who preached values like equality and justice, giving to the needy, and humbling yourself, and then turned around to make it all about him.  “I’ll be your best friend if you want me to be.  If you need a father, I can be your father.  I’ll be your God if you want me to be your God,” Jones said from the pulpit.

So what went wrong? How do we know that religion won’t always go this route?  I’ve thought of a few ways to safeguard our lives to follow God’s leading and not a humans.

1)  If a person says they are God, in any sense (Jesus, Holy Spirit, etc…), be done with them.
A person is not God.  God is God.  Anything else is idolatry.

2)  Don’t blindly follow a person.
Many times we choose to be a part of a church or an organization because we like the leader, rather than the vision of the church or the organization.  If so, you will be gone immediately after the leader leaves, dies, or asks you to drink this.  Please investigate the mission of your church, non-profit organization, kid’s school, or book club group (to name a few).  Why do they do what they do?  If they don’t know, then they’re probably not accomplishing anything.

3)  When you give, stay informed about where it goes.
I’m not saying you should have a say in where it goes, but I do think you should be able to ask questions to ensure accountability in the process.

4)  If someone preaches dogmatically living life one way, and lives their life the opposite way, this is not healthy.
In the case of Jim Jones, he preached justice and equality in a socialistic environment, and then lived in wealth.  He spent a lot of money given to him by his congregation, while asking them to give more, and he slept with whatever woman he wanted whenever he wanted.  For those of you dreaming of a utopian society one day, socialism at its base is just like capitalism.  If either is left unchecked, they will fall hard, because they both require leadership.

5)  Pray.
Stay in tune with God, constantly asking him if this next move or decision is the one you need to make. This helps to safeguard your decisions and keeps you free of manipulation.

30 Years ago.  But it could happen today.