Monday night I played basketball for the first time since I sprained my thumb more than a week ago.  Also, my team achieved their first win after a lot of close games.  We won big.  It was nice.

Toward the end of the game, I drove down the court and basically walked in the middle of four guys who thought I was going to pass to the outside.  I decided to take the layup and headed for the basket.  With relative ease I went into the air, until a player from the other team attempted to block my shot.  The result was he grabbed my arm and the rest of his body slammed my body immediately onto the hardwood floor.  With no defenses, my elbow and knee hit the floor.  Thankfully I was not hurt, but I was madder than a hatter in Wonderland because no foul was called on the play.  So were my teammates as they quickly came to my defense with screams at the referees, who apparently were oblivious to…well, anything at all.  My emotions were getting the best of me so immediately I asked someone to come into the game for me, and I walked out to the hallway of the school to calm down.

It was great that I had friends to stand for me at that point, but I learned a far greater lesson tonight.  There are some situations in life that have no resolution.  You can get mad.  You can yell.  You can lose your cool or cry or blame everybody.  But the result will be the same.  After the game as we had handily won by 40 points, I calmly walked to the ref who missed the call and asked, “What was up with the missed call?  Did you see me fall to the floor when the guy crashed into me.”  His response was, “I was looking at the ball, and didn’t see the foul.  I asked the other ref and he told me he didn’t think you were fouled.”  And he didn’t have to say, End of story, see you later crybaby.

And that is it.  No resolution.  No playback.  Just me getting hit, no foul being called, and life goes on.  I imagine if the stakes were higher it might me more difficult.  If someone I loved piledrove me into the floor, (figuratively speaking of course) I would probably want resolution or some sort of vengeance, but sometimes it just doesn’t come, and we’re left wanting something more, feeling like God and friends have left us in some way.  If the backstabbing hurts or the gossip cuts and there was nothing anybody could do, how do we feel?.

This happens.  And it makes me sad for all parties.

Here are my top 10 most played songs in 2009 so far:

10.  It’s not my time by 3 Doors Down

9.  Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon

8.  Hurt by Christina Aguilera

7.  Stand Up Comedy by U2

6.  Get on your Boots by U2

5.  Moment of Surrender by U2

4.  Apathy is a Deathwish by Story of the Year

3.  Super Good Feeling by Bleach

2.  Lay Down by Priestess

And the number 1 song on my playlist this year is:

Magnificent by U2

A long time ago I did something really stupid.  I made some decisions that affected a lot of people, hurt my reputation, and disappointed people who were close to me.  The last consequence I wrote was the one that really got to me.  I knew that I had hurt two people in my life that I really cared about, and I had disappointed each of them when I told them of my failure.

At the time, and even today, these two people had poured so much into my life and I really cared what they thought and how they felt about the way I was going about my life.  So when I told them what I had done, I totally regretted the decisions I had made to get myself into this particular predicament.

They both gave me sound advice and were very bold in the way I needed to treat the matter for the future, and they both reiterated their love for me.  But the damage was done, and my heart pounded like a sumo wrestler trying to outrun the bulls in Spain.

How much better of a friend and father is my Heavenly Father, who created me and cares for me every single day of my life?  How much more amazing is my God who loves me through every decision, good or bad, and walks me through things I could never journey through alone?

So what is my disappointment level when I let Him down?