I’m freeing myself slowly from it.  The need to be everyone’s friend.  Sure I’m friendly with everyone, after all, it is my personality. But friends – I’m getting away from the addiction.

I used to believe that as a pastor of a church, I had to be friends with everyone in the church.  Consequently I would bend over backwards trying to please everyone, pour into everyone’s life individually, and in the end have a heaping full of watered down relationships.

Recently I’ve realized a better way.  Friendly towards all, but friends toward a few.  Real friends are hard to come by and they are not going to be made once a week in an hour.  Real friends develop connections through long conversations, time spent in mutual activity, and being real with one another.

I still believe the church is an amazing place to find real friends of character, integrity, and sacrifice, I just don’t believe that that friend has to be be me anymore.  It could be a life group leader or a band member, a nursery volunteer, or just a wise individual who happens to be in a seat each Sunday.  Just because someone has a title doesn’t mean they are your friend.  A title doesn’t make a friend…

a sacrifice does.

The FC ladies on the retreat

The ladies of Fellowship just came back from a weekend retreat, and I’m really excited to hear their stories of spiritual renewal and relationship building.  The above picture was taken by Katie Ferguson.

But before we go any farther with the stories, I want to offer a challenge to those who went and to those who go through similar weekend, week long, or summer long retreats or conferences:  DON’T SETTLE FOR REPLICATION!

What’s replication?  Replication is the attempt to recreate an experience you had this year next year, and expecting the same results.  It usually starts off during the original experience.  Someone innocently says, “We should do this (exact thing) again next year?”  and replication ensues.  Without thought (many times) to the fact that the experience struck such a chord the first time because of its newness, we mistakenly believe that we can once again orchestrate a successful experience by recreating the same circumstances.

Each year for the last 5 years I’ve gone to the Catalyst Conference, a highly innovative “retreat” with some of the greatest speakers, musicians, and creative personalities you could ever imagine, and each year I walk away with something fresh and new.  This year I can’t go, and I’m almost happy about it.  The reason:  It gives me a bit more time to understand the impact it has had on me in the last 5 years.  And then, maybe I should think about a new venue for creativity (like Story).

This principle has torn down organizations, churches, denominations, and groups of all kinds because they have mistakenly hung on to “the way it happened” rather than the change that took place in the first place.  “How it happens” is important as the experience is taking place, but the “change that happened” is the matter that’s important after the fact. Don’t expect God to work through particular circumstances, just know that if you allow Him to rock the boat…

You will get wet.

My wife! – She’s gotta be the most amazing woman of all time anywhere.  But maybe that’s just me.

What God did in the lives of the FC ladies this weekend. – Susan (a lady in our small group) getting baptized in the lake on Sunday morning!  Very cool!  Katie has some amazing pictures here.

My present and future.  (actually my past too, but I don’t live there)

Next weekend at Fellowship Church and the marriage vow renewals that will be taking place.

The opportunity to be a light to the people of Worcester County by serving them now and in October during Servolution 2.

Steve Blumer‘s ordination at Fellowship Church on November 1st.

What Jesus is doing through His church!!!

More later.

The last 5 days have been pretty much a summary of my current life in reference to my relationships, with the possible exception of my friends I talk to via the telephone who live away from Massachusetts.

Friday for lunch I met with a group of guys I meet up with every Friday at noon at the Finders Pub. We talked about marriage and why Billy was scared of it and about how our weeks were good or bad and how we could change them.

Friday after work Carie and I spent our date night double dating with our neighbors across the street.   We had a blast chatting and enjoying the company of a great couple we’re getting to know better.

Saturday we volunteered our time to help an incredible cause and some incredible friends who lead that cause.  Hearts for Heat held an awards/volunteer appreciation dinner and I was able to speak and help clean up afterward.

Saturday night was spent talking to my dad for an hour or so, watching Michigan football, and studying for Sundays message.  You can download the talk (and any of my Sunday messages) here.

Sunday morning @ Fellowship was awesome as I was able to serve our church community, fellowship with great friends, and hang out with a group of new college students in our church.

After a sweet nap, Sunday evening served as date night for Carie and I, and we had a great time “dating”.  Lots of great conversation, playing “Lost Cities”, and watching “No Country for Old men” (definitely not a date movie)  brought on a great time together, which was good because Monday we wouldn’t be seeing much of each other.

On Monday after work, my basketball team came together again to play in our Rutland league.  We didn’t win, but I love playing basketball with those guys.  They are such a good group of guys, and it was really fun seeing them again.  After the game, I stopped by a friend ‘s house who was watching the Pats/Bills game on his patio with his sons.  We talked and watched and enjoyed MNF on the patio.

This morning, after a whopping 4.5 hours of sleep and continued soreness as I jumped out of bed, I drove to the Y, where I played some more basketball with more guys who I love to play with every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday.  I’m paying for it now, but I love being able to play ball and spend time with this group of guys.

I tell you all this because about 3 years ago I felt like I didn’t really have very many real relationships.  I talked to a lot of people on Sundays but during the week it seemed like I had fallen into some sort of relational slump brought on by laziness and complacency.   I then made a conscious effort to take myself out of my comfort zone and do some things that I hadn’t done in a while because I was comfortable and my life was good – things like meet new people and exercise and pour into my already existing relationships and yes, even walk away from others if they were in any way pulling me down.

So today I sit here in a local coffeeshop, soaking in the current silence of the atmosphere, not talking to anyone, and thanking God for the people He’s putting into my life…

and the people He’s going to put into my life.

Bruno - the only dog I like

I don’t like the dogmatic or dogs.  The former is where my focus will be today.  I’ll save the latter for another day.

Perhaps its my personality or perhaps it is how I was raised, but something in me bears a disdain for the dogmatic that wreaks havoc on some of the relationships in my life.  You see, it’s not just that I don’t like “dogma” – the religious kind or otherwise – but I don’t really like dogmatic people.  I’m really trying to work on this, because of the whole “Jesus wants me to love my enemies” thing, but it’s still hard.

Consider this.  As a Christ follower, I have read up on and been influenced by a biblical world view. I guess you’d say that I am dogmatic about it in my own life as I believe the Holy Spirit has opened my eyes about some things scripturally, and now I am a new person.  This is wholeheartedly what I believe about me, and I pray that it would not stop with me but that I would have the opportunity to influence others.

But one thing I always want to remember is how that influence happens.  I never want that influence to stem from my talent or my ability to manipulate a situation, but simply put (and perhaps not so simply explained) through the work of the Holy Spirit in someone’s life.

So how does this attitude affect my relationships?  In the world of the Christ follower, there are many different ways to influence. And the dogmatic extremists point to their way of “getting things done” as the way God uses people.  While I couldn’t even imagine believing that the way Fellowship Church does things is THE way to “do church”, the dogmatics imply (and certainly many times say) that their way is the way to do it, and I’ve finally figured out how:  Labels.

If I can place a label on someone, and that label is perceived as negative by those around me, then I have done my job of manipulating a situation to further what I think about life, and maybe even to gain more positive attention to myself.  If I call someone a radical conservative or a stinking liberal (or yes, even a dogmatic extremist), then all the people who identify with the one I identify with will scream “amen”, “hallelujah” and maybe even form a picket line against my enemies.

That’s the easy way out.  The hard way is to connect with those I disagree with and choose to love them.  The dogmatic, the conservative, and the liberal.  Then attempt to love on them like I love my party line cronies, or better yet, like I love myself.  This is the way of Jesus.  But it doesn’t have to stop there, then we can influence one another and begin to realize the places God is taking us because of our relationship.

I really want to work on this.  It’s easier for me to ignore my enemies and to let them do their thing, while I do mine, and to be honest, I think there is a time and a place for that.  But so much more can be accomplished when I put desires away and start acting like Christ.

But as it is right now, I’ll probably start loving dogs first.

1. Worcester Scary Scavenger Hunt

2. 12 Days of Christmas parties

My technology (and consequently, my blog) has gone Mac.  Thanks to all of you who had a hand in this from Fellowship Church and other friends.

The question is:

Will I ever go back?

Recently I’ve had email discussion with my neighbor Michael.  This sounds funny to me because I’ve never actually talked to my neighbor Michael face to face.  This is about to change soon, as the next time I see him walking up and down the street I have promised to say hi to neighbor Michael, or he will say hello to his neighbor Marty.  Last week neighbor Michael made a surprise visit to his other neighbor Fellowship Church. Unfortunately I didn’t get a chance to talk to neighbor Michael, though neighbor Carie and neighbor Michael chatted a bit, but this week neighbor Michael and I have had the good adventure of discussing life, liberty and “spiritual homes” via email.  Inside of our discussion, neighbor Michael pointed out the differences between the church he grew up attending and the FC.  His insights were so hilarious, I thought I’d share them with you.  It’s okay, neighbor Michael was kind enough to give me permission.  Enjoy!

“I don’t think FC is that different than the Catholic Church I went to as a kid except for:

• Exchange priest in white collar with pastor in jeans
• Out with the choir, in with the rock band
• Update paper church newsletter with blogging and tweeting
• Swap priest celibacy with pastor being pressured to have kids
• Convert from reading bible passages from the missalettes to reading them off PowerPoint slides
• Trade seniors (elderly) for seniors (high school and college)
• Substitute consistent traditional mass with unique weekly message
• Replace greeting by priest with holy water with teen greeter holding Monster energy drink
• Change holy wafer (Eucharist) with holy cheeseburger (turkey burgers too)
• Instead of name and address of new members, request Facebook and MySpace page
• Oh, and that Pope guy

Other than that, I’d say pretty similar…” -

Thanks neighbor Michael.  We really have to meet some time!

One of the hardest things about being a leader (that I’ve found anyway) is the balance between contentment and the desire to get to the next level in that which you are leading.  As a pastor, my heart’s desire is to connect and lead people to Jesus.  Fellowship Church is a catalyst for doing that, and I love being able to serve God this way.
I love being a part of a group of people who have the same heart and purpose too.  I would certainly call myself content.  There literally is no other place I’d rather be in the world (outside of Aruba this week when it has rained for more than a week straight).
Then there is the other side of me.  The side that wants to go to the next level – spiritually, numerically, and even physically (says my bones after a big workout at the gym).
Currently as a church, we’ve grown to the place that I’ve seen us grow 2 other times since I’ve been here (though I led as an assistant during those times), and are now looking toward the future of growth.  Both of the other times, at the peak of that growth, we’ve lost the point leadership, causing us to take a step back in one case and light years back in the other.
I know God has protected this place through all that for a reason – for His glory and for His praise.  And now that we’re back where we were, facing the same hurdles we faced before, we’re praying…

God, bring us another step forward.

I’ve known Shari for about 1o years now, since she was in college and I was a bit out.  Shari and her husband and kids live in the Springfield area.  So my point:  a few weeks back Shari came out and snapped some photos for Fellowship Church, our services and our team for the website.  She is a pro, and I would encourage you to check out her work on her website and use her if you can.   Here is the video of some of those pics.

Holden Fellowship Church from Shari Schoener

Your welcome.