9 years ago, my friend John (32 years old) from upstate, NY,  told me this story:

“When I was 25, a group of friends and I walked into a bar here in upstate NY.  We were looking to find some ladies and hook up.  Finally I saw this attractive girl, and decided she was going to be my “catch of the day”.  Walking over to her, I gave her a smile to let her know I’d be talking to her shortly.  We started talking and I evidently made her laugh enough that she seemed to be having a good time.  She was in college.  I was just out of college.  We weren’t looking for anything solid in terms of relationships.  Out for a good time.  That was our basic story.  We talked for long enough, so I asked her where she lives, and if I could take her there.  She said yes, and as we walked to my car, she gave me her address.  I stopped.  I hadn’t had contact with my dad for 3 years, and hadn’t had a relationship with him in 14 years, but I certainly knew where he lived.

“That’s my dad’s address,” I told her as we both glared at each other for what seemed like eternity.  “yes, Marty, that girl, who I was about to hook up with, was my half sister.”

As of yesterday morning at 9 am, I (back to Marty) hadn’t seen John in 7 years.  He walked into my office to surprise me after he spent a few days watching Red Sox games and taking tours of Harvard University.  Now he was headed home to upstate NY and decided to stop by for a visit.  We talked about family and life 7 years later.  I was married.  He was married with 3 kids.  He had now been a high school math teacher for 18 years.  I was now the lead pastor of Fellowship Church.  It really was great to see him.  Conversation eventually morphed into talk of old times, and I reminded him of the story I shared moments ago.  Then he asked me if he had updated me on that story.  I told him, “How could you have?  We haven’t talked in 7 years.  So he shared with me the rest of the story:

“So as you know, my relationship with my father has pretty much been non-existent for the majority of my life.  My mom warned me of his selfishness and that he was his own number 1 priority.  I learned that the hard way when I started playing baseball in high school.  He took off when I was a kid and all but ignored my existence.  Then I started playing high school baseball, played well, got my name in the paper, and he started to come around more.  “That’s my kid!” he would yell loudly for everyone around him to hear.  At first I was proud.  My dad’s finally taking an interest in me.  We would go fishing and talk a bit more.  Then later on in my athletic career, I hurt myself and couldn’t play anymore. I was on injured reserve in high school.

“As far as games go, it wasn’t a shock that he stopped attending them, but the fishing trips faded, and time with dad evaporated very quickly.  I would no longer have a relationship with him, and I realized our time together was connected to what I offered him.  It sucked.  Later on when I became a teacher and started coaching girls basketball at my school, our team went to the finals, and about the time my name appeared in the papers again, he made his way to the games again.  But this time I was an adult, and barely acknowledged his existence.

“Fast forward to the time I became a Christian, through our time together, Marty, on to when I got married and had kids.  My family and I attended a boys basketball game in February 2009.  I saw him and he saw me.  I looked away and hoped he would just go away, but he didn’t.  He walked over and we exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes, while I chose to leave my wife out of the loop.  During a most awkward silence, my dad looked at my wife as if to tell me he’d like to be introduced to her.  I would not do it.  My heart was cold, and this basketball game would not be the place to thaw it out.  But after a look from my wife, I gave in and said, “Nancy, this is my dad.”  We’d been married for 6 years and lived in the same small town, and they’d never met.

“At the end of our conversation, which lasted much longer than I had wanted it to, my dad asked me to write down all of the names of my family and their birthdays.  I grabbed his pen and paper, and wrote them down.  After looking at the paper for longer than he should have, he anxiously said, “Could you write down yours too John?”  Anger flared up inside me as I realized the magnitude of this moment.  I suppose it took a bit of humility to ask me that, but my insides told me that years of neglect had affected me more than I knew.

“Before he left, he said he had gone through some health issues recently, and realized how selfish his life had been.  He wanted to connect more with our family.  I left knowing I should forgive, but not wanting to allow my heart to open up.  After several conversations with my wife, and knowing that I was going to have help from Jesus to allow for this kind of forgiveness, I could feel some improvement.  And though I secretly hoped he would never call or want to get together, I continued to ask God’s help for my heart.

“Then he called.  It was the birthday of one of my kids, and he asked if he could come and bring a gift.  We were having a party, so hesitantly, I invited him to come along with his wife.  They came and gave a gift and seemed to have a great time.  That birthday started a trend that year of spending time together as two families became one again.  Recently, my dad told me he enjoyed spending time with us because, as he put it, ‘Nancy and you treat one another differently than any married couples I know, and you’re good examples to us.’”

“As our relationship continues to grow, and as my heart heals, I’m learning so much about the amazing grace of Jesus, and though I didn’t deserve it, he freely gave it.  Though I have continually hurt him, he continues to forgive me.  So the least I can do is forgive my dad, and that forgiveness has opened up a lot of avenues for our family.

“In fact, Marty, he recently invited me to one of his family reunions that he goes to every year.  I knew he attended it every year back in the day, but I was never invited or whatever.  So I went and saw people I hadn’t seen since I was a kid.  I saw many of my half brothers and half sisters, and I saw one half sister in particular who I had met in a bar several years before.  “You look great!”  I said enthusiastically…

She responded, “You thought that about 20 years ago too!”

Carie and I spent the last week in Indiana with my parents, celebrating Thanksgiving and really having some quality time with my family.  While I had a great time hanging with my family, I was only able to be online once during our 5 day tenure in Eastern Indy.  This meant no blogging and no connecting with my newest family.  Sure it’s easier for those not involved to scoff and say that in the old days, relationships were about people, but I’m not so sure that online community is devoid of being “about people.”

Since I’ve started blogging, facebooking, and tweeting (in that order, by the way) in 2007, I’ve enhanced several relationships that had fallen off the grid, met new people with whom I’ve formed community, and found more amazing resources for personal and professional growth that I ever would have if forced to do so using my own imagination.

So I guess you could say, “Yes, I had a great time with my family” and “Yes, I missed being here…

with you.”

He grabbed his hard hat, keys, and what was left of his wallet, and headed out the door.  George Wikley emanated a complete sense of frustration at what was happening at his home this morning.  George woke up having to work like any other Saturday, and the idea of fighting with his wife AND teenage son wasn’t first on his “to do” list.

Let’s see, he thought to himself slamming the door of his 1950′s cape style house in Paxton, Massachusetts, They’re mad because I was too loud.  They’re mad because there was no food in the house for breakfast.  Gee, I wonder if there is anything else we can blame me for? I’m glad I wasn’t around for Pearl Harbor.

The problems George faced paled in light of hunger, AIDS, and famine in Africa, or war in several other parts of the world, or even financial difficulties that so many fought against right there in suburban U.S.A. because of layoffs and the economic breakdown.  No his problems stemmed from relationships.  He hated his wife, and he hated his son.

No, not really hated…but almost.

Communication at this point in the Wikley household consisted of asking George for money, asking George for more money, or swearing at George because he announced after the question (or sometimes before) that he had no money.  And so on a daily basis George yelled, screamed, and swore back, leaving him a zombie each time he walked out the door of his own house.

Thankfully this Saturday was sunny and cool, not really a normal late June day even in Massachusetts.  The last several weeks brought little but rain, rain, and more rain to his world, so if nothing else, today was a brief respite in the sky.  Thank you weatherman, he smiled as he opened the door of his Verizon truck the supervisor postion he held at the popular phone company allowed him to drive home.

After a few minutes of driving as the sun beat down on his face, the newness of the beautiful day wore off, and the clouds of his heart came flooding back to him, remembering the earlier fight with his family.  He transformed into a zombie again.  Realizing he needed gas before he drove in to get his orders for the day, he turned left instead of his usual right onto West Mountain St, then an immediate right onto W. Boylston St.

The Mobil gas station was the closest, so he drove in, got out of his truck, and started pumping gas.  Today he didn’t care what the environmentalists thought about the company.  It was the closest, and he would almost be late.  Plus his son was a newbie environmentalist, thanks to the local  “treehugger” club at the Wachusett School he attended.  He joked to himself, He always had the money sucking vampire traits of my wife, and the desire to change the world like me.  Sick combination.

Through the intense thinking going on in his mind today, he neglected to realize the pump kept stopping and he kept squeezing, causing the gas to eventually flow out onto his brown work boots.  That’s okay.  Brawn (his best friend at work) smells like gas every day at work. He jumped into his truck, turned the key, and began the short half a mile drive to work from this station.  He drove around the back of the gas station, and towards the exit deep in thought.

As he drove past the pump on the other side of the station, a women got out of the passenger side of a white GMC Sierra 1500, and leaned her arms on the truck bed, stretching her legs out a few feet into his driving path.  Besides the woman was blond, small, and beautiful, he had to get to work.  George always froze when he talked to beautiful women, so he decided instead to beep her out of the way.  Clearly her husband or boyfriend or whoever he was that was pumping the gas on the other side of the truck did not like the beeping of his woman from 4 feet away, because he moved around the front of the white truck and had a few words to say for George and his “stupid Verizon truck.”  But those were the only intelligible words he could understand as he drove out of the parking lot, and back the way he came.  So I guess I won’t tell that dumb idiot that he’s putting regular gas into a diesel engine.

George remembered when he used to care about people.  What they thought and who they were.  He remembered having a desire to help people and to do something important with his life, because as his priest used to say, “More bliss can be got by serving others than merely serving oneself.”  Yeah well, I wish I would have kept going to church and dragged my wife and kid along too.

George finally arrived at work thinking about what he used to be like and what he used to want. He parked next to Brawn as he always did, and the two walked in together as they always did.

“How ya doin bron (as George pronounced his best friends nickname)?”
“Oh, I’m great for a fat old man George!” Brawn responded.  But I’m about tired of  my wife and daughter.  You wanna trade families?

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you! - Isaiah 26:3 (NLT)

I love my wife.  I thought of this this morning when I woke up and realized how amazing she is.  She compliments me so well that I have no idea how I lived my life without her. (other than foolishly)

I love the team that I work with @ Fellowship.  They are great guys who want to see God use our church to connect and lead people into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ.  I just had lunch with 4 of the 5 and was reminded how much I love what I do.

I love my close friends.  Many of whom I can call at a moments notice if I need advice or just someone to talk to, and they are real and solid.  I won’t name them all, but you know who you are.

I love my family.  My dad and mom and sisters and extended family who have all given me solid encouragement to fall in love with God and have a good time doing it!

When you put all these people together, not in an actual physical space, but in a special place in my mind, and I begin to realize how God has blessed me in my life, and is growing me everyday by helping me get rid of the junk and see the beautiful parts of who He has made me to be – His “divine guidance” – an incredible wave of peace comes over me.

And I see that I’m right where I need to be.

Thanksgiving with my small group - November 20, 2008

May this holiday not only remind you of our responsibility to be thankful, but make you more thankful than you already are.  I’m thankful for:

My God.
My wife, Carie.
My church family.
My family (including my friends.).

To you, for being a part of my community.

The day is upon us.  The day that we are so thankful, we stuff ourselves silly and watch the Lions lose again.  Besides turkey…

What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food?

A shameless attempt at capturing your attention.  This post is about relationships, not P.B., though I do mention it.

Occasionally things go unchecked…specifically in the form of relationships.  Stuff gets busy and next thing you know, those you love and care about the most get the shaft when it comes to time with you.
Think of all the things that need your attention:
Your spouse.
Your kids.
Your church.
Your extended family.
Your work.
Your friends.
Your finances.
Your extra curricular activities.

And by the time it’s all said and done, a lot of the time we are spread thin and time with the wife or the husband is almost non-existent. I don’t mean time as in, “Good morning honey, here’s your breakfast”or “I took the trash out, gotta run.”  I mean quality time with you and your spouse.  If you’re single, I mean quality time with the ones who you love the most and who love to pour out their lives into you.

Last night Carie and I returned home from a visit to visit Carie’s dad, and we realized we hadn’t spent enough time with just the two of us.  So I shut off my phone around 6:30 pm and we hung out, talked, watched some TV (Prison Break 3 represent), did a little cooking together, and focused on one another.  It was one of the best nights I’ve had this summer, and I’ve had several good ones.  But the truth is, we needed this time.  Busy had become a buzz word for our lives, and though I’m big on relationships, my relationship with Carie is the most important.

So how are you feeling with the status of that all-important earthly relationship?  Bring it back and check things out.  This cannot be left unchecked for long, or this is detrimental to the relationship.  Check yourself today.  When was the last time I spent good quality time with that person or those people I love the most?

You may be surprised by the answer.

To find out what to, click here for one of my favorite posts.

Yesterday was another great day at Fellowship Church.  We had an outdoor service (pics below), and a potluck dinner, complete with football, wiffleball, basketball, slip and slide, group sings around a big oak tree, and whatever else people found to do.  Here are some highlights for me during the “Party in the Park”:

*We focused on Psalm 107 and started a new series called “Nature lover”, referring to falling in love with who God is, and not what He can do for us.
*All week and even to that morning, people asked me “What do we do if it rains”, and I responded, “It doesn’t rain during the Party in the Park.”  So there were people praying all week.  I learned this lesson from my friendship with this church in 1996.
*Our volunteers did an amazing job setting everything up and preparing for the event!  Fellowship rocks!
*The band was amazing!  Playing a mini concert of songs from Lifehouse, Coldplay, Steve Fee, and Delirious.  They even read Scripture for the service!
*The “Best Thing” Project – awesome!  We’ve already heard some great stories about how God is using this, and we’d like to hear more. 
*The best story I’ve heard so far with my own ears is how this family helped a woman  in our church fix the muffler system on her car with a hanger wire, then gave someone else their money to go get the parts she needs and he fixed her car!  Unbelievable!
*The party afterwards was great!  Although my face, neck, and bald spot (how times are changing) are now burnt.  So much for the rain!
Here are some pics!

The band practicing before the service started

The back row enjoying the service. 

The preacher bringing it.

I was a recipient of what came from this sweet grill!

Sue set up shot and chilled through the afternoon.

This young one chilled too – slip and slide style.

How was your weekend?

In this post, Susan commented that she “really enjoyed the discussion.”

Last night, a lady in our church got this bright idea to invite some of her friends to an inpromptu potluck grill out (aka barbeque, cookout, shindig, etc…).  This week Carie is away taking a class for AP Spanish certification (or certificacion, if you please), and so I popped over to the house of the fam having the grill out and we had a great time eating and chatting and enjoying one another’s company.  Four or five families took the family up on her offer and community was built – just like that.

Now in the process, Susan shared something that was she was going to be going through on Thursday and it led to this pretty intense, 2008 style discussion where everyone chimed in and gave their opinion (their were a wide variety of opinions by the way) using Scripture, real life circumstances, and stories of what people around us have gone through considering this subject.

In the end, I was able to see about 4 different opinions to a really hard topic and appreciate why several people in my church think and believe certain things about life.  And I wonder what would happen if more people decided to give away their nights to a community of friends and acquaintences in an effort to get to know people more, rather than sitting in front of a tv or working on the lawn. (2 things I didn’t say in this statement:  1.  Sitting in front of a tv is wrong.  2.  Working on the lawn is wrong.  Thank you)  Would our lives change for the better or worse?  Would you feel stifled with too much community or could you use a bit more, even with your friends?

Would you, like me, feel stuffed like Thanksgiving after 2 pieces of chicken and an interesting couscous dish?

So I’d like to thank my friends (4 different life groups in our church represented) who took a step with me and in the spur of the moment decided they could use a night with friends.  I sure could because I miss Carie a lot!

This post was specifically written for Randy Elrod’s Watercooler Wednesday!

I just wanted you to know that despite the stupid web sites I’ve read and despite the people that annoy me and despite the stress that I’ve gone through in the last few weeks and even though my basketball team got pounded on Monday night, I’m really joyful right now. 
Now, I’m proving that via  this picture.
 

And the reason I’m so joyful is because I serve a super amazing, risen Savior, I’m married to the wife of my dreams who loves me and most importantly, loves that super amazing risen Savior I just mentioned, I have a handful of friends who always brighten my day person to person or through technological advancements (cell phone, blog, facebook, or email), A church family who I cannot tell you how much I love being apart of their lives, and last night our team pounded the team we lost to a few weeks ago.  I mentioned it here and here.

Life is good.