Part of the awesome team doing the right thing at Fellowship

Let’s assume that you want to do the right thing.  And you have a vision to see the right thing occur.  This may not be the case, but it’s fun to think that way.

The problem in wanting to do the right thing is that there are people who a)want to do the wrong thing, b) want you to do the wrong thing, or c) just want to hate you no matter what you do.

So here’s what generally happens in a person’s life who wants to do the right things from the beginning.  They come out of college ready to “change the world” or do the right thing, and then get to work.  This occurs in many professions – politics, law, church, medicine, education, engineering, and even entertainment.  Eventually they run into resistance, or people who would rather do a), b), or c) than allow that person to do the right thing.

Consequently, that person spends all of their time early on trying to fight the system of people who don’t want to do the right thing, and they never get around to actually doing the right thing.  They get angry.  They get complacent.  And typically they quit.  But there’s a solution.

Point the people that want a), b), and c) to someone else’s vision

Now lest you point out this post, please note that I did not say don’t love them.  In fact, sometimes pointing people away from where you are to somewhere else is indeed the loving thing to do.  Some of the most freeing moments in my life here at Fellowship have been when I’ve invited people to attend a different church that they would connect with on a vision scale.  It’s not because I hate them, but because it’s the loving thing to do based on keeping unity in the body of Christ.

If you’re trying to do the right thing, don’t attempt to change people’s minds or spend all your time fighting those who want to see you do the wrong thing or even their version of the right thing for your life.  Either leave or ask them to leave, depending on what’s best for the right thing.  Don’t quit.  Don’t let them get the best of you.

Keep doing the right thing.

One of the biggest enemies you have concerning making and keeping friends is you.

Your own insecurities tell you that that person meant something else when they said that or when you read that email, you were sure that the implication was somehow against you, and so you started dwelling on how you could reply – and more times than not it’s defensively.

In recent years I’ve stopped trying to read people because a) I am not that person and b) even if that person thinks what I’ve perceived that person to think, it doesn’t matter anyway.  They are entitled to their opinion and I am entitled to be me.  The problem arrives when I expect them to be me, which they are not.  But here’s what you can do.

If you believe they are thinking or implying something inappropriate, then ask them.  And instead of holding all sorts of false beliefs about how another person thinks or feels write an email and ask (or better yet, make a phone call) and take the guesswork out of it.  You’re no better at reading people from an email or a 20 second quote than I am at snow skiing, and believe me, that’s not all that good.

So today, instead of criticizing what that person might have meant by that word or that line in the email, believe the best and take the guesswork out of the equation or don’t have friends at all.

Your choice.

Bruno - the only dog I like

I don’t like the dogmatic or dogs.  The former is where my focus will be today.  I’ll save the latter for another day.

Perhaps its my personality or perhaps it is how I was raised, but something in me bears a disdain for the dogmatic that wreaks havoc on some of the relationships in my life.  You see, it’s not just that I don’t like “dogma” – the religious kind or otherwise – but I don’t really like dogmatic people.  I’m really trying to work on this, because of the whole “Jesus wants me to love my enemies” thing, but it’s still hard.

Consider this.  As a Christ follower, I have read up on and been influenced by a biblical world view. I guess you’d say that I am dogmatic about it in my own life as I believe the Holy Spirit has opened my eyes about some things scripturally, and now I am a new person.  This is wholeheartedly what I believe about me, and I pray that it would not stop with me but that I would have the opportunity to influence others.

But one thing I always want to remember is how that influence happens.  I never want that influence to stem from my talent or my ability to manipulate a situation, but simply put (and perhaps not so simply explained) through the work of the Holy Spirit in someone’s life.

So how does this attitude affect my relationships?  In the world of the Christ follower, there are many different ways to influence. And the dogmatic extremists point to their way of “getting things done” as the way God uses people.  While I couldn’t even imagine believing that the way Fellowship Church does things is THE way to “do church”, the dogmatics imply (and certainly many times say) that their way is the way to do it, and I’ve finally figured out how:  Labels.

If I can place a label on someone, and that label is perceived as negative by those around me, then I have done my job of manipulating a situation to further what I think about life, and maybe even to gain more positive attention to myself.  If I call someone a radical conservative or a stinking liberal (or yes, even a dogmatic extremist), then all the people who identify with the one I identify with will scream “amen”, “hallelujah” and maybe even form a picket line against my enemies.

That’s the easy way out.  The hard way is to connect with those I disagree with and choose to love them.  The dogmatic, the conservative, and the liberal.  Then attempt to love on them like I love my party line cronies, or better yet, like I love myself.  This is the way of Jesus.  But it doesn’t have to stop there, then we can influence one another and begin to realize the places God is taking us because of our relationship.

I really want to work on this.  It’s easier for me to ignore my enemies and to let them do their thing, while I do mine, and to be honest, I think there is a time and a place for that.  But so much more can be accomplished when I put desires away and start acting like Christ.

But as it is right now, I’ll probably start loving dogs first.

Thinking of Jesus can be so irritating sometimes. Like in the midst of my heart turning hateful toward my enemies, and His words about loving them, even if they have persecuted me, come rushing into my mind.  For real, that is really irritating.  I was thinking about this a few days ago after I viewed an altercation that came to blows on the basketball court a few days back.  It started normally enough.  Two guys begin mouthing off to one another about a foul or a travel or whether or not Charles Barkley is fat or big-boned, and then it progresses into this full out altercation, complete with balls flying across the room (basket, that is) and fists following shortly after that.  Several guys were more than enough to put a stop to the pugilist fair, but I stayed away as my mind raced to the time I had a brief arguing session with the guy who threw the first punch.

It hadn’t been that long ago, maybe 3 months.  He had just started playing with our group, and apparently he wanted to make a name for himself or something, because it seemed like his mouth aimed at every person he played against.  So I finally decided to stick my words back in his mouth.  Thankfully (as I found out a few days ago) I eventually walked away, and then, as if to pour salt on the wound, I thought of Jesus and those irritating words again:  “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” This is what happened next:

Marty:  Ummm, Jesus, would you mind taking those words out of my mind please?
Jesus:  You should go to Him and apologize.
Marty:  Oh sure, apologize because he has a big mouth, I’ll do that (with a snort).
Jesus:  Have you ever had a big mouth?
Marty:  Every Sunday morning actually, and possibly a few other times, ya know, with my sisters, and maybe a few others times on the basketball court.
Jesus:  So go to him, apologize and Marty, it won’t just help him, it will help you, and the hate you have in your heart right now.
Marty:  But wait, there are people in the world who are just big jerks…
Jesus:  And it’s your personal job to teach them a lesson?
Marty: (walks immediately over to the future Muhammad Ali and apologizes)

Watching the argument take place yesterday, and realizing that after I apologized to said quarreler, we became good acquaintances on our way to friends, I begin to understand that Jesus words are not posted on paper for some uber spiritual, hard to understand reason.  They are there for you and me, so that our hearts stay whole and not ripped to shreds (think Tom Riddle), making future relationships impossible to grow.  They are there because He knows the way the world works, and we don’t.  But still…

It’s irritating sometimes.