Reading (idiot) people
One of the biggest enemies you have concerning making and keeping friends is you.
Your own insecurities tell you that that person meant something else when they said that or when you read that email, you were sure that the implication was somehow against you, and so you started dwelling on how you could reply – and more times than not it’s defensively.
In recent years I’ve stopped trying to read people because a) I am not that person and b) even if that person thinks what I’ve perceived that person to think, it doesn’t matter anyway. They are entitled to their opinion and I am entitled to be me. The problem arrives when I expect them to be me, which they are not. But here’s what you can do.
If you believe they are thinking or implying something inappropriate, then ask them. And instead of holding all sorts of false beliefs about how another person thinks or feels write an email and ask (or better yet, make a phone call) and take the guesswork out of it. You’re no better at reading people from an email or a 20 second quote than I am at snow skiing, and believe me, that’s not all that good.
So today, instead of criticizing what that person might have meant by that word or that line in the email, believe the best and take the guesswork out of the equation or don’t have friends at all.
