I’ve been thinking about this concept all day, and to be honest it kind of hurts my head, so I thought I’d share it with you, and maybe release some of the pressure.

Should my identity be made up by my ideas?

To break it down, I’m basically asking, “Should Marty be Marty and be seen as the Marty that people know because of what Marty believes to be true?”

I used to think yes, but now I’m not so sure.  Why?

Because it’s almost impossible (if not impossible) to love someone whose identity you associate with someone who diametrically opposes you in terms of belief.

I grew up a Creationist.  Not in the scientific realm, but in the “God said it, and so did my parents, so I believe it” realm.  When I first moved to Massachusetts, I remember  having lunch at the 99 with a friend of mine who had a science degree from WPI, and my friend basically told me that he believed in evolution, but he was also a Christian.  He called it “Theistic Evolution.”  Because I grew up associating the identity of people with what they believed, my world was crushed as this person who I trusted had quickly become someone who, to me, not only believed scandalous things, but could not possibly be a a true Christ follower.

Thankfully, I reconciled with my friend, and to this day we have a great relationship, but first, I had to separate my friend from what he believed.  Not that I should have to agree with or ignore what he believed, but I first am called to love people before anything else. (See Deuteronomy and that guy who “gave His life” in the New Testament).  So…

I am Marty.  And the first thing you need to know about me is I am loved and am created to love.

If I was looking from the outside at the life of a Christ follower, probably the thing that would intrigue me the most would be the “talking to God” thing.  I mean, why in the world would anyone take a chance at talking to a being that you’ve only been told exists?  You’ve never actually seen God, Marty, so why talk to him and risk being linked in with the wacky crowd?

And if I were to answer myself who is looking outside at myself who is talking to God, what I would say is that I don’t fear the risk of being labeled “wacky” for God.  I do fear misrepresenting God or presenting something I say as “from God” that is not really from God, but I don’t fear being “wacky for God.”

You see, anyone who has ever been anything in regards to the passion they have for something has been labeled as “wacky” some time or another for the object of their affection.  Whether its Heath Ledger taking on the passion of acting, Ernest Hemingway and writing, or Michael Jackson, the king of pop, these people have all been labeled “excessive” for the fields of their passion.

I have a passion for God.  And though I don’t make people drink strange kool aid or tell them a space ship is going to take us all up into heaven if we destroy ourselves together, I do have a strong desire to connect with Him more than I have for making large amounts of money or “living the good life.”  So I talk to Him.

Today there will come a point where I shut my computer off, my music, my phone, and walk away from people, and I talk to only Him.  I don’t ask Him to bring me lots of good things like Santa or to heal every person I know who is deteriorating like I’m some sort of witch doctor, but I just want him to know I’m here and I’d like to know more about Him, and what he wants me to do.  I frequently share with Him some of the great things I believe him to be, and lift Him up as the most important part of my life.

And if that makes me “wacky”, so be it.