2 Great Stories in 1
9 years ago, my friend John (32 years old) from upstate, NY, told me this story:
“When I was 25, a group of friends and I walked into a bar here in upstate NY. We were looking to find some ladies and hook up. Finally I saw this attractive girl, and decided she was going to be my “catch of the day”. Walking over to her, I gave her a smile to let her know I’d be talking to her shortly. We started talking and I evidently made her laugh enough that she seemed to be having a good time. She was in college. I was just out of college. We weren’t looking for anything solid in terms of relationships. Out for a good time. That was our basic story. We talked for long enough, so I asked her where she lives, and if I could take her there. She said yes, and as we walked to my car, she gave me her address. I stopped. I hadn’t had contact with my dad for 3 years, and hadn’t had a relationship with him in 14 years, but I certainly knew where he lived.
“That’s my dad’s address,” I told her as we both glared at each other for what seemed like eternity. “yes, Marty, that girl, who I was about to hook up with, was my half sister.”
As of yesterday morning at 9 am, I (back to Marty) hadn’t seen John in 7 years. He walked into my office to surprise me after he spent a few days watching Red Sox games and taking tours of Harvard University. Now he was headed home to upstate NY and decided to stop by for a visit. We talked about family and life 7 years later. I was married. He was married with 3 kids. He had now been a high school math teacher for 18 years. I was now the lead pastor of Fellowship Church. It really was great to see him. Conversation eventually morphed into talk of old times, and I reminded him of the story I shared moments ago. Then he asked me if he had updated me on that story. I told him, “How could you have? We haven’t talked in 7 years. So he shared with me the rest of the story:
“So as you know, my relationship with my father has pretty much been non-existent for the majority of my life. My mom warned me of his selfishness and that he was his own number 1 priority. I learned that the hard way when I started playing baseball in high school. He took off when I was a kid and all but ignored my existence. Then I started playing high school baseball, played well, got my name in the paper, and he started to come around more. “That’s my kid!” he would yell loudly for everyone around him to hear. At first I was proud. My dad’s finally taking an interest in me. We would go fishing and talk a bit more. Then later on in my athletic career, I hurt myself and couldn’t play anymore. I was on injured reserve in high school.
“As far as games go, it wasn’t a shock that he stopped attending them, but the fishing trips faded, and time with dad evaporated very quickly. I would no longer have a relationship with him, and I realized our time together was connected to what I offered him. It sucked. Later on when I became a teacher and started coaching girls basketball at my school, our team went to the finals, and about the time my name appeared in the papers again, he made his way to the games again. But this time I was an adult, and barely acknowledged his existence.
“Fast forward to the time I became a Christian, through our time together, Marty, on to when I got married and had kids. My family and I attended a boys basketball game in February 2009. I saw him and he saw me. I looked away and hoped he would just go away, but he didn’t. He walked over and we exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes, while I chose to leave my wife out of the loop. During a most awkward silence, my dad looked at my wife as if to tell me he’d like to be introduced to her. I would not do it. My heart was cold, and this basketball game would not be the place to thaw it out. But after a look from my wife, I gave in and said, “Nancy, this is my dad.” We’d been married for 6 years and lived in the same small town, and they’d never met.
“At the end of our conversation, which lasted much longer than I had wanted it to, my dad asked me to write down all of the names of my family and their birthdays. I grabbed his pen and paper, and wrote them down. After looking at the paper for longer than he should have, he anxiously said, “Could you write down yours too John?” Anger flared up inside me as I realized the magnitude of this moment. I suppose it took a bit of humility to ask me that, but my insides told me that years of neglect had affected me more than I knew.
“Before he left, he said he had gone through some health issues recently, and realized how selfish his life had been. He wanted to connect more with our family. I left knowing I should forgive, but not wanting to allow my heart to open up. After several conversations with my wife, and knowing that I was going to have help from Jesus to allow for this kind of forgiveness, I could feel some improvement. And though I secretly hoped he would never call or want to get together, I continued to ask God’s help for my heart.
“Then he called. It was the birthday of one of my kids, and he asked if he could come and bring a gift. We were having a party, so hesitantly, I invited him to come along with his wife. They came and gave a gift and seemed to have a great time. That birthday started a trend that year of spending time together as two families became one again. Recently, my dad told me he enjoyed spending time with us because, as he put it, ‘Nancy and you treat one another differently than any married couples I know, and you’re good examples to us.’”
“As our relationship continues to grow, and as my heart heals, I’m learning so much about the amazing grace of Jesus, and though I didn’t deserve it, he freely gave it. Though I have continually hurt him, he continues to forgive me. So the least I can do is forgive my dad, and that forgiveness has opened up a lot of avenues for our family.
“In fact, Marty, he recently invited me to one of his family reunions that he goes to every year. I knew he attended it every year back in the day, but I was never invited or whatever. So I went and saw people I hadn’t seen since I was a kid. I saw many of my half brothers and half sisters, and I saw one half sister in particular who I had met in a bar several years before. “You look great!” I said enthusiastically…
She responded, “You thought that about 20 years ago too!”
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Mike Burns says: "good story. really. now we know how they do in upstate new york…
but seriously, heartwarming to the last. "
Wow, that is a great story.
We had a similiar scare in my family. While at the 90th aniversary of my grandfather, my sister-in-law saw somebody she was related to. And this relative looked astonishingly like my grandfather. There was this total moment of fear: What if my brother and his wife turned out to be cousins or something? My brother and her had been married for a bunch of years and had 2 kids.
It turned out that my sister-in-law's relative was an old friend of my grandfather, but there was no relation.