What makes the clouds lift
I was in a funk last week. I don’t mind sharing this with you now, but at the time, I really struggled, mostly with my scheduling and production.
You see despite the fact that I’m not a real big tradition guy, I tend to work best in an environment where I become a creature of habit. Then I went to Haiti. The trip was eye-opening, amazing, and when I think back on it, needed. But for the week before, due to the loss of my wallet and all important information to my life, and normal preparations for a week long trip out of the country, I didn’t get much accomplished. Then for two full weeks after, I don’t know how else to say it other than I found myself in this funk or cloud or island where there was a time machine and two guys called good and evil vying for my attention (sorry, that last one was a shout out to ‘Lost’ fans).
During those two weeks I got nothing accomplished (like the week before the trip), got kicked out of a basketball game (story coming later), and became addicted to an online video game with a few of my friends. By the time Sunday, March 14th arrived. I was so irritated at myself, I couldn’t even believe it – but still, I had not a clue how to lift the funk.
On Tuesday, the 16th, Steve and I attended a funeral in south central Massachusetts. On the drive home, I received a call from a number I recognized, but couldn’t place it, so I didn’t answer. After listening to the voicemail, I realized it was Ben Arment, my Dream Year coach. We scheduled a phone appt. for that day, but I thought it was 2:00 pm, and he called at 1:00 pm. He was right. I was wrong. Not shocking, I guess, considering my funk.
In humility and with a bit of disgust with myself, I called him back and basically apologized. We chatted for a while and I guess he realized I was kind of out of it, and by the end of the convo, he says, “Well Marty, I don’t know really what to do here, the ball’s in your court. There’s some things you have to do, and you know what they are…” He let those words hang out there, and for the first time in about a month, I could see a bit through the clouds. I don’t even know if he knew how impactful his words were as I sucked them in like icy air making its way through my lungs while playing football on a cold fall day.
“Yeah, I do know what I need to do.”
The last few weeks have been a different story. I haven’t got kicked out of basketball games, or played online video games, or even sat at my desk and wondered what to do. But I have spent tons more time with Carie, and quality time with friends and I’ve even been reminded why I love doing what I do and the vision for what we’re trying to do here at Fellowship is once again clear in my head. This should not be shocking coming from me, but I think what made the funk go away and the clouds lift was the reminder that the people in my life matter, and that by focusing on people, as opposed to just tasks and simply getting stuff done, I’m helping to affect people’s lives. The life groups that we are trying to build here in central Massachusetts aren’t just simply programs of our church, but they are indeed our church. The community building vision that I am trying to get off the ground (aka fellowship Worcester, The Splat Coffeehouse) is not just something for my ego, but they are essential to my vision of the church being more effective in the context of community and relationships than simply coming once a week to a building and feeding oneself. So now I have to go, because I have things to get done and people to connect with, but…
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yeah, i can relate.
still trying to bust out.
The real issue, sometimes, with these funks, is that they reach this critical mass. We start off at risk to do things we normally wouldn’t (even if it’s relatively harmless, like spending too much time on a video game.) then we feel even worse about ourselves, which puts us at a greater risk to engage in something that will get us down about ourselves.