The more I do what I do, the more I begin to realize the difference between someone I  may like and someone I want to be around.

I may like you if you can talk about sports and music and how your day is going.  But I want to be around you if you can tell me the way something should be in real life.  I may listen to you if you come to me and complain or you’re having a rough day and need to get it out, but I’ll want to stay there and keep listening if you then go into how things can and will be better eventually.

When someone paints a picture of how things could be and should be in the world, people follow.  I follow.

So today if you talk to your friends and share how things are going and maybe you get the urge to complain a bit about all the bad things going on, follow it up with how things will eventually turn around, and maybe even share with them a vivid picture of what that looks like.

If we were only as descriptive about the good things that are happening as we are about the bad things…

At the height of my anger is a terrible time to take action.  (Read part 1 here)

I thought about this as I walked out of the gym after being mauled to the floor by an opposing player in a game of basketball.  I wondered when things were going to return to normal in regards to my heart rate, desire to punch someone out, and my general attitude.  I was really angry.  Like the kind of anger that causes your feet to stomp on the ground in an apparent effort to get to China or your hands to flail at the air as the only source of wind energy in the area.

But things would not turn to normal until I started acting normal.  People around me wouldn’t trust my judgment until I proved that I could be trusted.  At some point, we lose control with anger, and people don’t view us as as rational, no matter what we are thinking about ourselves or no matter how justified we are to be angry.

This demonstrates the importance of my walk to the hallway.  The surest way for me to be ignored when trying to get across my point was to act irrational and to do irrational things.  So I left the game, and walked out the gym to the hallway.  Eventually I became rational again.  And that’s why the referee even talked to me in the first place.

In order for things to be normal again, I had to start acting it.

Monday night I played basketball for the first time since I sprained my thumb more than a week ago.  Also, my team achieved their first win after a lot of close games.  We won big.  It was nice.

Toward the end of the game, I drove down the court and basically walked in the middle of four guys who thought I was going to pass to the outside.  I decided to take the layup and headed for the basket.  With relative ease I went into the air, until a player from the other team attempted to block my shot.  The result was he grabbed my arm and the rest of his body slammed my body immediately onto the hardwood floor.  With no defenses, my elbow and knee hit the floor.  Thankfully I was not hurt, but I was madder than a hatter in Wonderland because no foul was called on the play.  So were my teammates as they quickly came to my defense with screams at the referees, who apparently were oblivious to…well, anything at all.  My emotions were getting the best of me so immediately I asked someone to come into the game for me, and I walked out to the hallway of the school to calm down.

It was great that I had friends to stand for me at that point, but I learned a far greater lesson tonight.  There are some situations in life that have no resolution.  You can get mad.  You can yell.  You can lose your cool or cry or blame everybody.  But the result will be the same.  After the game as we had handily won by 40 points, I calmly walked to the ref who missed the call and asked, “What was up with the missed call?  Did you see me fall to the floor when the guy crashed into me.”  His response was, “I was looking at the ball, and didn’t see the foul.  I asked the other ref and he told me he didn’t think you were fouled.”  And he didn’t have to say, End of story, see you later crybaby.

And that is it.  No resolution.  No playback.  Just me getting hit, no foul being called, and life goes on.  I imagine if the stakes were higher it might me more difficult.  If someone I loved piledrove me into the floor, (figuratively speaking of course) I would probably want resolution or some sort of vengeance, but sometimes it just doesn’t come, and we’re left wanting something more, feeling like God and friends have left us in some way.  If the backstabbing hurts or the gossip cuts and there was nothing anybody could do, how do we feel?.

This happens.  And it makes me sad for all parties.

I wrote this story a few months ago, and now Dave has sent me the picture to prove its truth.

As Dave and Cherie’s wedding approaches and I prepare to travel in several weeks to Atlanta, I have yet another story to share about my soon to be wed friend.

Here are the other two stories I’ve shared so far:

How Dave fed me for 3 weeks
Not just a free newspaper, a free newspaper machine!

And now for a third installment.

Dave and I went to some great concerts together.  The night we were driving to one concert, I rear-ended the car in front of me.  I was freaking out because I didn’t have the money to pay for tickets and insurance bills and all that junk.  So all that was flowing through my head when all of a sudden the car I hit takes off with screeching wheels.  I followed the car for a short time fearing I would eventually get in trouble if I didn’t, but they got away.  Coincidentally this was my first OJ Simpson impersonation (except backwards), and I pray it was my last.

Then Dave got the bright idea (I actually don’t remember but I would never take credit for this) to drive to Macon to see Jaci Velasquez. We got there early and had a great view from the first row.  This was only important because Dave and I were single, and so was Jaci, so the theory in our minds went something like this:  Jaci would see one of us singing her songs and having a great time, then she’d invite us to go out to Pizza Hut after the show, then ask us to travel across the country with her as her bodyguards.  Eventually one of us would have a long, meaningful conversation with her, resulting in a long courtship period where we prayed for God’s will in each others lives.  Then we’d get married.  The loser would have to wait out for Rebecca St. James – hardly a sacrifice.

At the intermission when we were already all tired out from the mosh pit and all that, dave says to me, “Hey Marty, let’s go backstage.”  Ever being the lame and conservative one, I declined with humor, “No thanks Dave, I’m all done with getting kicked out of places with you.  Plus I bet breaking into Jaci’s dressing room would be a felony, and I’m all set with those too.”  He said, “Your loss” and walked away.  I sat there thinking he was crazy and it didn’t matter anyway, because she was back there asking her current bodyguards to go find their replacement – “ya know, that tall 6’3″ black haired drink of water on the front row.”  I already felt bad for the guys. (and Dave)

No one ever came and asked me to come hang out backstage during the intermission that evening, but Dave eventually came back – after hanging out in the back dressing room with Jaci and her mom for like 20 minutes!  Dave got some sweet pictures with Jaci that night, and I vowed never to miss out on another opportunity like that again.

Of course that was bad news too, but that’s for a whole different post.

Today I want to be a good friend.  To be able to sacrifice what I want for what my friends want.  And even to give up what I most value for the sake of my friends:  my own life.  At times I may need to be a friend through trials rather than laying in comfort.  I may need to tell the truth, even if that stings a bit and even it makes my friend mad.   Today I will not blame, manipulate, guilt, talk down to, or violate the trust of my friend, because that is the territory of an enemy, and today I am not an enemy.  I am a good friend.  The only thing that should come before being a friend is being a Christ follower, and the two should only co-exist.  For if I am like Christ…

I am a good friend.

I made a video yesterday for our service @ Fellowship.  It wasn’t a bad video and it illustrated the point I was trying to make very clearly.  I attempted to demonstrate James 1: 23,24 which says:

Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

So I had this idea.  I have a mirror in my office, and each Sunday morning before I go to preach I check myself for inconsistencies in my dress code like a zipper not reaching new heights or toilet paper on my person or a collar going rogue.  So I thought, “what about illustrating these verses by showing me checking myself in the mirror in my office and then ignoring some obvious problems, complete with a Star Wars musical score in the background?

I thought the video was quite good for the time I had to make it, but in it I missed a huge detail!  My mirror was filthy.  And the camera was clear enough to see this detailed faux pas.  I’m sure it didn’t get unnoticed, and I felt really stupid.  But then I thought, “This is probably what happens when I look at ‘the Bible’ to justify my own stance on what’s right and allow it to fit into my system of thinking, rather than allowing it to be alive as it claims to be and , so it can ‘judge the thoughts and attitudes of my heart’ and then ‘teach, rebuke, correct, and train me in righteousness’.”  My thoughts begin to skew what the Word of God through the Spirit of God (because that’s how this is powerful, not because of a piece of paper) wants to reveal to me, and probably I walk away distorting what God really wants for my life.

Literally I look into a mirror that’s dirty (my perspective outside of the Spirit of God) and walk away without a good understanding of how I can best “abide in Christ”.

Marty, Carie, and Drew Copeland, rhythm guitar and BGV's for Sister Hazel

Okay a brief respite from the relational posts I’ve been throwing at you to fill you in on a sweet concert I attended last night.

When I lived in Atlanta in the late 90′s, a band came out with a song I loved called “All for you”.  It went something like this:
Hard to say what it is I see in you,
wonder if I’ll always be with you,
words can’t say it, I can’t do
enough to prove it’s all for you

So I began to listen to this band and really liked their stuff.  Their name was Sister Hazel, named after a nun who ran a rescue mission in their hometown of Jacksonville, Fl. in the 70′s and 80′s.

When I moved to Massachusetts, they received much less airtime, and I only followed them a bit here and there, but eventually as I came into the new world of the internet, my interest climbed again as they began to use the internet for promotion, taking their music completely independent of the evil empires of big company  music.  For years I’ve been trying to see them here in NE though, but they only make it up here once every 2 to 3 years.  The consequence of this is that usually I have something planned on the night they come.

Last August, on my birthday, Tom and Tina bought me Sister Hazel tickets for the show at the Paradise on October 21.  that was yesterday.  And the show was completely off the charts.  The crew that was with Carie and I had a blast rockin to the smooth rock sounds of Ken Block and the boys.

Here are a few more pictures from the event: (my cameras not the greatest)

To sum up the concert and Sister Hazel is to say that going to one and listening to them is just about a good time.  The music, the band jam, the incredible 3 -5 minute guitar and bass duet in the middle of the set, the laid-back approach they present throughout the evening, bantering back and forth as if to say, “Yeah, you’ve been invited to our back yard, so we’re gonna play a bit.  While we’re doing this, go ahead and grab a few dogs from the grill, an ice cold one in the cooler, and enjoy.  To put it this way, I was the only Sister Hazel fan in the crew of 6 that came to the concert in our group.  It wasn’t that they didn’t like their music, but once they went independent, everyone kind of thought they disappeared.  And when we left we were all Sister hazel fans.  So thanks Tom and Tina.

And Thank you Sister Hazel

Set List for the concert (by memory):

Happy (with a “The Who” opener)
Change your mind
Release
It’s a beautiful thing
Come around
Your winter
Ghost in the crowd
Your mistake
3-5 minute guitar and bass duet
Swan Dive
Better way
Life got in the way
Walls and Cannonballs
Take a bow
All for You
Mandolin Moon
Encore
Champagne High
Shame

Part of the awesome team doing the right thing at Fellowship

Let’s assume that you want to do the right thing.  And you have a vision to see the right thing occur.  This may not be the case, but it’s fun to think that way.

The problem in wanting to do the right thing is that there are people who a)want to do the wrong thing, b) want you to do the wrong thing, or c) just want to hate you no matter what you do.

So here’s what generally happens in a person’s life who wants to do the right things from the beginning.  They come out of college ready to “change the world” or do the right thing, and then get to work.  This occurs in many professions – politics, law, church, medicine, education, engineering, and even entertainment.  Eventually they run into resistance, or people who would rather do a), b), or c) than allow that person to do the right thing.

Consequently, that person spends all of their time early on trying to fight the system of people who don’t want to do the right thing, and they never get around to actually doing the right thing.  They get angry.  They get complacent.  And typically they quit.  But there’s a solution.

Point the people that want a), b), and c) to someone else’s vision

Now lest you point out this post, please note that I did not say don’t love them.  In fact, sometimes pointing people away from where you are to somewhere else is indeed the loving thing to do.  Some of the most freeing moments in my life here at Fellowship have been when I’ve invited people to attend a different church that they would connect with on a vision scale.  It’s not because I hate them, but because it’s the loving thing to do based on keeping unity in the body of Christ.

If you’re trying to do the right thing, don’t attempt to change people’s minds or spend all your time fighting those who want to see you do the wrong thing or even their version of the right thing for your life.  Either leave or ask them to leave, depending on what’s best for the right thing.  Don’t quit.  Don’t let them get the best of you.

Keep doing the right thing.

In the church world, we are constantly pushing people to become better God followers.  From sermons to bible studies to discipleship programs, we make a habit of motivating, pushing, and for some houses of faith, manipulating people into a “better relationship with Christ.” I absolutely see nothing wrong with a better relationship with Christ, but there are some other things I want to work on too.  Like becoming a better friend to people.

We use these verses about sacrificing yourself for God as a means to motivate, and then ignore a lot of relational practices in Scripture because they interfere somehow with our path towards “building the kingdom of God,” as if our being a real friend to someone is ever going to stop us from doing that.

In a few of the gospel accounts, some people come to Jesus, evidently trying to trick him into saying something wrong, and ask him what is the most important or greatest commandment in the law?  Without the benefit of Jesus’ words in front of us, I fear that most of our answers, should we be asked this same question today, would be very focused on what we want our church to become.  “Know your Bible” or “Pray a lot” or “Get out there and serve” are three answers that aren’t wrong to do, they’re just not the greatest thing God wants us to do.

Jesus answers them by quoting Deuteronomy:  ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

But Jesus didn’t get asked about the top 2 greatest commandments, so why does he link them together?

Because they are indicators of one another.  Hey, are you loving the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind?  Then let me see how you’re doing with your neighbor.  How is your ‘growing relationship with God’ doing anyway?  Don’t tell me it’s doing great and then use your friends as a means to an end.

In Scripture, real friendship is painted as synonymous with sacrifice.  David and Jonathan’s friendship meant that their souls were “knit together” and Jesus said that there is no greater love than when someone gives their life for a friend.  Then he proceeded to exemplify this by giving his life, not only for his friends, but for his enemies too.

I confess that this is one of my biggest struggles.  Oh not working on my friendships, I actually love doing that.  But forgiving those I feel have wronged me in some way.  I have so many friends and work so hard on my relationships that it’s easy for me to tell myself that I don’t need that person as a friend, because I have plenty of them.  And while that very well may be true, I don’t like the hole that occurs in my heart after I decide to walk away from the person who has hurt me.  This whole devastates not only my future relationships, but also my walk with God.

So I’m not asking you not to work on your relationship with God.  I’m simply challenging the notion that it is more important than working on your relationship with others.  I would even contend that every time religion goes awry and you hear a story about a suicidal tribe of religious nuts who give their lives to be taken up to God in a UFO or a group of people (many times religious) who believe that another group of people should be eradicated from the earth or are inferior to them in some way, that these are instances where you are trying to get only half of the greatest commandment right, and are failing miserably even at that.  For in order to love God, you HAVE to love people.  Your friends.  Your enemies.  Your neighbors.  The wait staff at the worst restaurant you’ve ever been to.  Your local and federal politicians.  Gotta love ‘em.

Sucks, doesn’t it?

“Missionary life is simply a chance to die.” – Amy Carmichael

“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” – Phil. 1:21

What is it with Christ followers and their “dying to themselves” and living in Christ stuff?  How come we just can’t be who God created us to be?  Ya know, give our best?  Just do it?  that sort of thing.  No, it would seem that we are forced to live the dream of someone greater than us.  To give up our desires and go after some sort of ultimate goal, and on top of that, give it up to some sort of Spirit we can never even see.

It’s always been difficult for me to explain the why and how God uses us to accomplish things for His kingdom, but I’ll try this way.  A few times in 1 Corinthians, Paul shares with his fellow Christ followers that we are God’s temple, and that it is important how we treat and utilize the temple of God.  I have this belief that every person was created to be God’s temple, but many choose to worship something other than God in their temple.  In the Old Testament, the Jewish nation of Israel built (under the commands of God) first a tabernacle, and then a temple. In the innermost parts of these buildings was a room called the Holy of Holies where God’s presence was said to have dwelt.  No one was permitted to enter the Holy of Holies, except one time a year when the High Priest would enter to make a sacrifice for the people of Israel.

In the OT, the ark of the covenant (symbolic of the presence of God) was taken or stolen by the Philistines, and initially used as a motivator for the gods of the Philistines, until the ark brought great misfortune on the Philistine people, so they sent it back to Israel.  During that time though, Israel had no power, their temple or tabernacle was literally worthless.

A thousand years later Jesus walked the earth, then sacrificed himself on a cross.  In the gospel accounts of this sacrifice, the authors parenthetically take us to the temple about the time of the death of Jesus.  They take us to the large veil or curtain that blocks the Holy of Holies from the rest of the temple, and this veil literally breaks in two from top to bottom.  This is no easy task by the way, as the veil was said by Josephus to be 60 ft and 4 inches thick. This also suggests that the temple is no longer the place where people come to worship God, but we now have access to God through the person of Jesus Christ.  As we surrender ourselves to the person and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we are then filled with the power of God – in short, God’s temple is now filled with the presence it was created for.  But too often the follower of Christ still falls back on what he’s known his whole life – trust in himself – so the power of God is pushed aside for a weak and lackluster imposter.

“Go for it!” We tell ourselves.

Let’s illustrate it this way – let’s say there is this balloon that flies.  And let’s say that this balloon looks like a flying saucer/UFO type thing.  Please do your best to use your imagination on this one.  One day, a 6 year old boy gets in this balloon and it flies.  Now this is a helium balloon without any sort of controls, so there is no way to direct or control the balloon from going anywhere it wants to go.  Everyone frets about the young boy and how they are scared for his life.  With our technological advancements today, maybe even the whole nation watches helplessly as the boy rides in the balloon.  Surely this boy is going to die.  This balloon has the capability of landing anywhere from Denver to Flagstaff to just about anywhere within a few hours of Colorado.  In the mountains or in some body of water or in the thick woods.

Jesus says to his followers in Matthew that one must become like a little child to enter into the kingdom of heaven.  Only a child would take a big leap into a balloon that you cannot control and where there was no chance of knowing how things were going to end.  Only a child would face a giant warrior who had killed countless numbers of people and who stared down a nation to its knees.  Only a child would suffer the consequences of a lions den and a fiery furnace because their trust was in the God who they worshiped.  Only a child would jump out of a boat and attempt to walk on water to be with his Savior.  And only a child would take that action that was completely out of the control of that child.  An adult would be too afraid to die.

Then the balloon decides to land.  It lands in a nice soft dirt field at an amazingly slow pace and everything appears to be alright.  the authorities who of course were worried sick about the amazing adventure this young boy had taken get to the balloon first.  And then he comes out.  The young boy is fine and everyone raves about his heroism and strength as he battled against all odds to do survive this ordeal.  The world is mesmerized by the story.

You see, the world is mesmerized by stories of individuals who are not afraid to die.  Individuals who act more like children than adults, and the ironic part is that those are the people who actually live.  Those are the George Mullers and the Martin Luther King Jrs and the Billy Grahams and the Amy Carmichaels of this world who believe that living their lives is really just a chance to die.

Now let’s say the door of the balloon opens and the boy was never in the balloon, but chose instead to stay in his attic, what then?

Then nobody really cares.