The last 5 days have been pretty much a summary of my current life in reference to my relationships, with the possible exception of my friends I talk to via the telephone who live away from Massachusetts.

Friday for lunch I met with a group of guys I meet up with every Friday at noon at the Finders Pub. We talked about marriage and why Billy was scared of it and about how our weeks were good or bad and how we could change them.

Friday after work Carie and I spent our date night double dating with our neighbors across the street.   We had a blast chatting and enjoying the company of a great couple we’re getting to know better.

Saturday we volunteered our time to help an incredible cause and some incredible friends who lead that cause.  Hearts for Heat held an awards/volunteer appreciation dinner and I was able to speak and help clean up afterward.

Saturday night was spent talking to my dad for an hour or so, watching Michigan football, and studying for Sundays message.  You can download the talk (and any of my Sunday messages) here.

Sunday morning @ Fellowship was awesome as I was able to serve our church community, fellowship with great friends, and hang out with a group of new college students in our church.

After a sweet nap, Sunday evening served as date night for Carie and I, and we had a great time “dating”.  Lots of great conversation, playing “Lost Cities”, and watching “No Country for Old men” (definitely not a date movie)  brought on a great time together, which was good because Monday we wouldn’t be seeing much of each other.

On Monday after work, my basketball team came together again to play in our Rutland league.  We didn’t win, but I love playing basketball with those guys.  They are such a good group of guys, and it was really fun seeing them again.  After the game, I stopped by a friend ‘s house who was watching the Pats/Bills game on his patio with his sons.  We talked and watched and enjoyed MNF on the patio.

This morning, after a whopping 4.5 hours of sleep and continued soreness as I jumped out of bed, I drove to the Y, where I played some more basketball with more guys who I love to play with every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday.  I’m paying for it now, but I love being able to play ball and spend time with this group of guys.

I tell you all this because about 3 years ago I felt like I didn’t really have very many real relationships.  I talked to a lot of people on Sundays but during the week it seemed like I had fallen into some sort of relational slump brought on by laziness and complacency.   I then made a conscious effort to take myself out of my comfort zone and do some things that I hadn’t done in a while because I was comfortable and my life was good – things like meet new people and exercise and pour into my already existing relationships and yes, even walk away from others if they were in any way pulling me down.

So today I sit here in a local coffeeshop, soaking in the current silence of the atmosphere, not talking to anyone, and thanking God for the people He’s putting into my life…

and the people He’s going to put into my life.

I’m wondering what I would look like if I were to become the ultimate Christian.  Better yet, what do you think I look like when I become the ultimate Christian?

Do I pray all the time?
Do I immerse myself in the Bible and study, study, study?
Do I serve and love and give like Mother Theresa?
Does fasting become a part of my routine schedule?
Is my attendance at every church service, Bible study, and prayer meeting required?

I’ve just been thinking about this lately and wanted to know what you thought.  Is there an end goal?  Is Jesus that end goal?  Is it possible to translate all of the things He did into our culture today?  For years we’ve split into denominations and factions because we can’t agree on this answer, while Jesus prayed that we may be brought to unity for the worlds sake. So please share…

What does your Christian utopia look like?

Billy Atis

I haven’t known Will (Billy) Atis long, but in the last 6 months, I know there’s a lot to like about the guy. I met him playing basketball at the YMCA with the Alpha guys and the guy who made me get irritated by Jesus, but he’s been great to play with and we’ve had several conversations off the court too. Billy is originally from new Jersey, and currently lives in Worcester and works in Framingham as a chemist. I’m sure there’s more to learn, but here are three reasons why I think you should know Billy Atis:

1. He’s compassionate.
You can just tell that he has a big heart for people when you talk to him. I’m sure he’s not perfect, and he does like to call a lot of fouls on the basketball court, but behind all that, it’s pretty easy to see that this guy cares. Now if only his job at the chemistry lab could see that.

2. He likes kids.
Billy has a child, a 6 year old son, as a matter of fact. He wants to be the best dad he can be, and he also coaches soccer on his sons team.

3. He is scared of marriage.
Not everything on the “3 reasons you should know” posts need to be positive or negative. Billy has a problem. he’s scared of marriage. I mean really scared of marriage. So scared that when I talked to him about this blog post, he’s the one that brought it up. So for our discussion today, I’d like you to share with Billy why he shouldn’t be afraid of marriage or why he should continue to be afraid…be very afraid.

So let ‘er rip. What would you say to Billy?

Today is Thursday, which means that I write about influence with new friends.  I started this topic because I never want to grow complacent in my relationships, but really want to meet new people.  So today I challenge myself.
I’m having a few guys over to watch the Steelers-Titans game tonight, and I know all of them.  You probably think that’s normal.  So do I.  But today, sometime in between now and kick-off at 8:30, I’ll be inviting someone I don’t know to my house to watch the game.  The theory is that at that point, I’ll get to know them better.  They don’t even have to like the Steelers, only respect the game of football.

Anybody have any suggestions on who I should invite?

If you ask me, I think 2 people who look alike should be friends. And when I saw a picture of the “You lie” guy that the Republicans are saying is their new hero and the Democrats are saying have tipped the scales in their direction, I wanted to be the first to introduce the two men who I think are twin brothers separated at birth.
So Mr Blair, meet Mr Wilson…

Joe’s family definitely fed him better.

Click Here

Did I just see that right?

Bruno - the only dog I like

I don’t like the dogmatic or dogs.  The former is where my focus will be today.  I’ll save the latter for another day.

Perhaps its my personality or perhaps it is how I was raised, but something in me bears a disdain for the dogmatic that wreaks havoc on some of the relationships in my life.  You see, it’s not just that I don’t like “dogma” – the religious kind or otherwise – but I don’t really like dogmatic people.  I’m really trying to work on this, because of the whole “Jesus wants me to love my enemies” thing, but it’s still hard.

Consider this.  As a Christ follower, I have read up on and been influenced by a biblical world view. I guess you’d say that I am dogmatic about it in my own life as I believe the Holy Spirit has opened my eyes about some things scripturally, and now I am a new person.  This is wholeheartedly what I believe about me, and I pray that it would not stop with me but that I would have the opportunity to influence others.

But one thing I always want to remember is how that influence happens.  I never want that influence to stem from my talent or my ability to manipulate a situation, but simply put (and perhaps not so simply explained) through the work of the Holy Spirit in someone’s life.

So how does this attitude affect my relationships?  In the world of the Christ follower, there are many different ways to influence. And the dogmatic extremists point to their way of “getting things done” as the way God uses people.  While I couldn’t even imagine believing that the way Fellowship Church does things is THE way to “do church”, the dogmatics imply (and certainly many times say) that their way is the way to do it, and I’ve finally figured out how:  Labels.

If I can place a label on someone, and that label is perceived as negative by those around me, then I have done my job of manipulating a situation to further what I think about life, and maybe even to gain more positive attention to myself.  If I call someone a radical conservative or a stinking liberal (or yes, even a dogmatic extremist), then all the people who identify with the one I identify with will scream “amen”, “hallelujah” and maybe even form a picket line against my enemies.

That’s the easy way out.  The hard way is to connect with those I disagree with and choose to love them.  The dogmatic, the conservative, and the liberal.  Then attempt to love on them like I love my party line cronies, or better yet, like I love myself.  This is the way of Jesus.  But it doesn’t have to stop there, then we can influence one another and begin to realize the places God is taking us because of our relationship.

I really want to work on this.  It’s easier for me to ignore my enemies and to let them do their thing, while I do mine, and to be honest, I think there is a time and a place for that.  But so much more can be accomplished when I put desires away and start acting like Christ.

But as it is right now, I’ll probably start loving dogs first.

As you can see,  in the last 24 hours I’ve made some significant changes on my site, and I hope you’re able to enjoy the changes.  They are meant to highlight the thing on this earth I am most passionate about:  relationships.  The following are some of the things on martyholman.com that you can now experience.

1.  Subscribe via a blog reader or email.  You can subscribe both to my posts and to the comments that are written here by my uber cool readership.

2.  Top Commentators:  From now on, you will be able to see the top ten commentators giving responses to my posts.  This is my favorite addition.

3.  My blogroll – This of course is normal, and if you would like to be added and aren’t spouting off a nazi agenda, let me know.

4.  U Speak – You can check out who the last 4 comments on my blog posts come from.

5.  Messages – I’m a pastor, so I thought you might like to subscribe to my weekly messages given at Fellowship Church in Holden, Massachusetts.

6.  Alltop stuff – I have some great widgets from Alltop sharing some of the more popular blog posts on my three favorite topics – Relationships, leadership, and church.

7.  Shelfari – A widget of some of the books I’m reading and have read.

8.  Posts – And of course regular posts on the topic of relationships.

I’d love to know if there’s anything you’d like to see on the site.

You should know this.  The reason you should know this is because I may come across as someone who has never had beer before.  If I’m being very honest with myself, I hate beer.  It may be because of my taste for the sweet, and that beer comes across to me as so bitter – like nasty bread or something.  Today I praise God that He has delivered me though from believing in some way that beer in itself is evil.

I love my parents, but they were fed a line of crap all their lives from a group of overly pious religious leaders who, in the early part of the 20th century, teamed up with an overly pious group of feminists, to launch an incredible attack on anything “pub” driven.  This of course trickled down to me as a child.

Enter yesterday.  I attended a party of a group of people who love Jesus and who drink beer.  I didn’t drink the beer.  Remember, I think it tastes like nasty bread most of the time.  But I did appreciate the relational nature the beer brought to the party.  I know there’s a lot of whatifs involved in the subject conversation of beer – “What if”someone’s an alcoholic?  “What if” we cause someone to stumble?  These are important questions that should not be ignored, but by-in-large the same people who highlight this piousness choose to ignore  the waste that goes on in America or never see the problem with attending the  buffet and stuffing themselves silly on a regular basis.

The way I see it, if Jesus were at the party I attended yesterday, his interest would have nothing to do with what the people were drinking or eating, but he would have looked at their hearts, and started from that point.

Oh yeah, and he probably would have thought beer tastes like nasty bread.