One of my greatest enemies is the little things.

The little things bother me in a way that so very few other things do.  They adjust my attitude in a not so subtle way and make me madder than a hatter in wonderland.  They cause me to scowl at the nicest of people and beep at the loveliest of elderly ladies on the road.

The little things cause me to be quite ineffective for at least an hour while I wait to cool myself down and remind myself that it was just a little thing in the first place. After all, “it’s not even a big thing” I try to say over and over again.

The truth is that it’s not the big things that render me useless for much of a regular week in Martyville, but the little things.  It’s not my enemies that normally make me mad and bitter, but my friends who mistreat me or someone I respect that disagrees with me.  Normally, It’s not the passing of a loved one or a major financial struggle that really gets me down, but when I’m slowed by a cold or forget to pay a bill that irritates me and causes me to lose my cool.  Its not a major problem at Fellowship that will suck up the majority of my week, but a whole bunch of little time stealers (i.e. facebook, “hi phone calls”, and excessive blog reading) that will cause me to say, “Where did all the time go?” and if I’m not careful today…

The little things will crush my entire day.

I guess I’ve finally figured it out, but it took me long enough.  I’ll describe the two scenarios.

Late last evening I found myself in a Greek pizzeria in the middle of nowhere U.S.A. (otherwise known as Rutland, MA).  I was sitting with a group of families that I have come to love being around in the last few years.  We talked about football, medicine, Spanish (yes, my wife was involved), and community.  I shared about me, and listened about them, and in the end, I had this incredible sense of fulfillment that I did not have even 2 hours before.

Earlier in the evening I played basketball with about 20% of the group in the pizzeria (our wives and children joined us for the festivities).  We played hard and we had fun, but in the end we came up short.  I was sick.  Not in the ‘my stomachs a bit too queasy and I think I have the swine’ sense, but more like the ‘I want to kick these bleachers across nowhere U.S.A’ sense.  I couldn’t believe we lost, and in the end – like most guys in the competitive world – I blamed myself.  “I could have done more,” assumed my internal thoughts battling for justification.

Then Carie and I drove to the pizzeria and enjoyed the company of most of the team.

And it was then, after only 34 years of living on this earth that it finally hit me.  I mean, I knew this intellectually, but not actually.  We could have won the game, and our smiles would have been a bit bigger and our conversation a bit more animated, but it didn’t really matter.  What mattered was the time I was spending with these friends, and the vehicle by which I met up with these friends happened to be basketball.  It could have been bridge or rummy or the 2nd episode of “House” on Fox, but it was basketball, and yet I finally realized (for real) that it wasn’t about the basketball at all.  That was just the vehicle, that one day when I get too old, I’ll trade in for the vehicle of golf.  I realized driving home from the pizzeria that evening that the reason I played in the first place was the friendships that are developing.  And I went home much more satisfied than even if we had won the game.

But I still hope the Steelers don’t learn this principle this year.

Words are an interesting thing, especially the written down kind.

Which is why I love a good conversation via blog.  Several people chiming in about what they think about a topic is pretty much healthy, save for “that guy” who seems to have a way of pissing everyone off by having no tact, class, or manners.  But sometimes even when everyone displays the politeness of Queen Elizabeth II, if they have the wit of Sir Winston Churchill, there’s going to be problems when it comes to the written word.  Something that was meant to be sarcastic comes across as jarring.  A word meant to be complimentary arrives to the reader’s eyes as a slap in the face, and all is not well in communicationville.

To insure tranquility while reading and commenting or instant messaging or Facebook chatting or whatever other modes of communication might be out there, specifically in matters of debate meant for a topical discourse, one must not right or read personally into their transcripts.  That is, before you attack or read “attack” (into personal matters opposed to topical matters) into what you’ve written or read – stop and think.  Keep the topic about the topic.

Then be aware that the person has the right to feel the way they do.  They don’t have the right necessarily to say what they want whenever they want, but they do have a right to feel a certain way.  Understanding why they feel that way is the key to a successful outcome in terms of conversation.  By the way, a successful outcome doesn’t always mean both parties agree, but can also mean they both don’t hate each other.

At times there are those who respond to this blog, and each time they respond they vehemently disagree with everything I say.  This is not always bad, but I can tell that they really don’t respect me as a person and writer.  They simply desire to antagonize.  I don’t mind disagreement, but I do mind disrespect.  One of the big reasons the internet works so well is its allowance for massive diversity of opinion, but respect for other individuals is an important reason why this flow of information will continue to flourish.

I suppose until I can no longer type I will be blogging and thinking and writing down, of which the response will be both good and bad, agreement and not so much, but I hope that in my circles of influence the two way or three way communications that take place can both be productive and tranquil.

And if you don’t like that you can…

Picture this:

This might be a bit controversial, but I can’t get it out of my mind.  Wouldn’t it be amazing if every church (that is under its own authority as opposed to denominational control) organization where 90% of its members have attended the church for 20 years or longer were to give all of their assets to a church planter or thriving local church in its area?  Wouldn’t it be great if they realized that the Kingdom of God could still use them in this way to make a difference, and unselfishly handed over their properties, savings, and organizational control to this “recommended” church planter or healthy church organization?
Then they could have the liberty to meet together in their homes on a regular basis without power struggle or politics getting in the way of their desire to know God more, and a new generation would be enabled to focus more on reaching their generation for Christ and less on fund raising.

Realistic?

There’s certain times in my week that I love.  Those are times that I look forward to, that I realize will someday go away, and that I try to get as much out of as possible.  They are my weekly regular times with my friends.  Without these times I would know half as much and be twice as bored.  They come at different times throughout the week and in various communicative ways.

Date night with Carie.

An early morning phone call from Garret.

A late night drive back home from a basketball game with Jay.

Sitting in St. Arbucks with Jeff.

Sunday early mornings with Steve and Al.

In the office with Billy.

Watching football with Sean, Steve, or Dave.

Text messages from Brian and Brandon.

Regular long distance convos with Clay.

Occasional Tuesday nights with Deric.

Sunday Mornings @ Fellowship.

Game nights with Steve and Priscilla and Jake.

Friday at Finders Pub.

Hang time with my life group

I not only have these times placed in my calendar, I thrive on these times like Popeye to spinach and Tammy Faye to make up.  I think it’s important to invest in relationships, and to set aside time to pour into others and to allow others to pour into me.  Sure it would be easier and cleaner and require less time to simply keep to myself, but friends are more fun and make me want to be a better person.

Cheers to friends and growth.

The FC ladies on the retreat

The ladies of Fellowship just came back from a weekend retreat, and I’m really excited to hear their stories of spiritual renewal and relationship building.  The above picture was taken by Katie Ferguson.

But before we go any farther with the stories, I want to offer a challenge to those who went and to those who go through similar weekend, week long, or summer long retreats or conferences:  DON’T SETTLE FOR REPLICATION!

What’s replication?  Replication is the attempt to recreate an experience you had this year next year, and expecting the same results.  It usually starts off during the original experience.  Someone innocently says, “We should do this (exact thing) again next year?”  and replication ensues.  Without thought (many times) to the fact that the experience struck such a chord the first time because of its newness, we mistakenly believe that we can once again orchestrate a successful experience by recreating the same circumstances.

Each year for the last 5 years I’ve gone to the Catalyst Conference, a highly innovative “retreat” with some of the greatest speakers, musicians, and creative personalities you could ever imagine, and each year I walk away with something fresh and new.  This year I can’t go, and I’m almost happy about it.  The reason:  It gives me a bit more time to understand the impact it has had on me in the last 5 years.  And then, maybe I should think about a new venue for creativity (like Story).

This principle has torn down organizations, churches, denominations, and groups of all kinds because they have mistakenly hung on to “the way it happened” rather than the change that took place in the first place.  “How it happens” is important as the experience is taking place, but the “change that happened” is the matter that’s important after the fact. Don’t expect God to work through particular circumstances, just know that if you allow Him to rock the boat…

You will get wet.

My wife! – She’s gotta be the most amazing woman of all time anywhere.  But maybe that’s just me.

What God did in the lives of the FC ladies this weekend. – Susan (a lady in our small group) getting baptized in the lake on Sunday morning!  Very cool!  Katie has some amazing pictures here.

My present and future.  (actually my past too, but I don’t live there)

Next weekend at Fellowship Church and the marriage vow renewals that will be taking place.

The opportunity to be a light to the people of Worcester County by serving them now and in October during Servolution 2.

Steve Blumer‘s ordination at Fellowship Church on November 1st.

What Jesus is doing through His church!!!

More later.

Mary Beth Makara

Seriously, if you should know someone, one of those people should be MB.  Carie and I think the world of MB, and as she is about to return to the Massachusetts area, I though I’d spotlight her on todays post.  So here are three reasons you should know her.

1.  She loves life.  It only takes a conversation of about 5 minutes or less to realize that MB loves her life and the people in her life.  From her faith to her work to her friends, she exudes joy in everything she does, and consequently, people love to be around her.

2.  She’s genuinely nice. Some people (perhaps myself included) are pretty nice, but have their moments of non-niceness.  Not MB.  She is one of the genuinely nice people of this world.  She would do anything for anybody, and I have seen that carried out in her life toward other people.  When people talk to MB, she gives her undivided attention and thought to the person she’s talking too.

3.  She hates John Mayer. I’m not sure how this coincides with her genuine niceness, but somehow it does.  For some reason, recently she’s realized she hates John Mayer.  She feels he’s smug and “above everyone else”.  I don’t know if this is true or not, but I know I trust her enough to know people well.  So I guess I’ll just keep waiting on the world to change and begging Fathers to be good to their daughters without the benefit of John Mayer music.

Do you agree with MB’s perception of Mr. Mayer?

I did it last week.

I walked up to the man I had waved at for the last 5 years (at least) and said “hi, I’m Marty”.  It took me a while, but I finally did it.  For years I had been driving by his house and like a good neighbor from about 5 houses down I would beep and wave and he would always beep and wave back with a big smile on his face.  So one time a few weeks ago I drove by and waved and he waved back, and this time, after I’d driven by, I decided to turn around and pull into his driveway and say hello.  I did that, but when I pulled in, he was nowhere to be found.

So last week I had a second opportunity.  I had driven to get lunch, and was on my way back to the office, when I saw him again.  the man knows how to take care of his lawn.  It is always immaculate and perfect.  Like he’s a barber of his lawn or something.  So I drove by and waved, and then thought about turning around again.  “But my lunch will get cold” I tell myself.  “Who cares?  It’s just food”, my other shoulder quipped.  I hit the brakes and turned around.

He was there and we talked.  For the first time in over 5 years of waving and 10 years of “relative” neighboring I stopped, got out of my car, and said hi to the man.

His name is Bob and he’s been retired for 25 years, living here in Massachusetts.  He used to work in masonry and brick laying, loves his wife, has grown kids, and smiles at me because he thinks I look like his son.  We talked for about 20 minutes, then his wife called him in, and I drove back to the office, smiling that I met a new friend that day.

I’m glad I turned around.

I’ve written in the past about some of the interesting relational things about facebook. And now…another one.

I’m writing this on the day where I write about relationships with enemies, but that might or might not be extreme for the topic today.  You see, one thing that is fascinating about Facebook is the ability to be friends again with people you’ve been around in days gone by, in different eras of your life.  This is great in one sense, because I love seeing friends I haven’t seen in a while.  In another though, we must meet up with the realization that there is a reason we are no longer in that season of our life.

For instance, I grew up in the thriving metropolis of Fremont, Ohio.  A set of my friends live there or know me from there.  The theology was rigid and the music was bad.

At 17, I moved to Pensacola, Florida to attend college.  A big number of my friends attended there with me.  The theology was also rigid, but the music was good.  By good, I mean professional as opposed to a type that I liked.

When I moved to Florida, my parents moved to Arizona, so during the summers I lived there.  A small portion of my friends live or lived there.

After college, I moved to Atlanta, GA where I taught school and other odd jobs for the year of 1998.  It appears that I have a lot of facebook friends from this are of my life.

Then I moved to Massachusetts in the middle of 1998 and have been here ever since.  Meeting friends, seeing people move away.  Meeting new friends.

I bring all this up because I wonder whether it’s healthy to have an eye on all these people from all these various stages of life.  I’m really glad the technology exists, and I have become close again with friends from my past, and in some cases closer, but for the most part, it has been just a means of seeing that they ate chili this morning for breakfast or that their kid puked all over their back seat because of travel sickness.  But here’s the interesting predicament I’m processing.  I wonder if they (meaning my friends from a different era) like the ideal of the old Marty, who was sheltered and didn’t listen to rock music and didn’t say things like “crap” and “screwed”  and who towed the party lines when it came to eschatology and the church?

Then I wonder if I’m just creating a new crop of enemies for myself by having a facebook account?  I could just as easily write the names of the people who I’d really be in contact with, and get on with my life post facebook.  Wow!  That’s a lot to think about.

I’m just glad I didn’t grow up a Calvinist and jump out of those circles.  I would be so screwed.