Not that person anymore
Marty Holman
Jack Bauer
The following is a sore subject with me, and happens between the hours of 12 am and 12 am the next day.
Last night I watched the two hour adrenaline rush that was 24 via my DVR, which made it about an hour and a half. It was so crazy I had to walk around the living room for the better part of a half hour of the program. Without going into detail about the happenings of Jack Bauer, I can tell you this has been one of the best seasons yet! Which is fascinating because I really disliked season 6.
Now one of the things that is a constant on 24 is that there are always people that you cannot trust. Anyone may turn out to be a traitor or a terrorist, which got me to thinking about something. One thing I do not handle well is when someone who I’m very close to drastically becomes someone different. I’m kind of aware that this is America and anyone can do what they want to do, so please save those comments, I’m just venting.
In fact, this is one of those areas where I could probably work on the art of forgiveness the most. Watching a husband or a wife decide they’ve “outgrown” the other, only to justify a new lifestyle which he or she has transitioned. Or a close friend who somewhere along the line has been talked into the idea that they are not into those of the opposite gender, and then relays the new idea that they never were. Or even the couple who all of a sudden can’t stand the idea of a culturally relevant church, and decide that the very idea is from Satan.
Now if you’re offended that I’ve brought any of these “offenses to me” up, don’t be. This post has nothing to do with the offenses. Maybe we’ll save those topics for another day – maybe not. This post has everything to do with how I look at these offenses. When someone in my life makes a drastic change, making them a new person in my eyes, I have a hard time forgiving them. I become the new Jack Bauer, targeting the offender, and trying desperately to stop the change from happening.
What I’m saying is that it’s difficult for me to buy the “I’m just not that person anymore” change.
Maybe it’s because I live in a dream world. Maybe it’s because the family history between my parents and both sets of grandparents maintains about 160 years of marriage straight through (60/59/38). Maybe it’s because my “never change” baptistic ways which I was indoctrinated as a child are still deep inside fighting the now prevalent idea of evolutionistic theory that runs amok in the things I read. I don’t know what it is, but I’m just telling you, right here and right now…
I think I need to work on it. Or do I?
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Hey Marty!
I would first ask yourself if the scenarios you mentioned go beyond being an affront to God to the point of YOU needing to forgive. I can understand having disappointment and disbelief in the changes that others may go through, but I’m not so sure YOU need to worry about forgiving them.
That being said, I wish more people would take the lead to “convict” others of their poor decisions in life, because that could be just enough for the convicted to draw strength from and step away from the abyss they may be standing in front of. Too many people show a lack of passion in their fellow man, so find a way to channel that passion so that you feel it is being used for good!
I think you need to be careful about the statement “I’m just not that person anymore”. What about people who have led horrible lives that have been transformed through a relationship with Jesus? The old me is dead, etc, etc.
Sorry to play devil’s advocate. It does suck when someone changes from good to bad. But the statement cuts both ways.
I do totally agree with you on the marriage thing though. I often wonder if the phrase “I’ve changed” is really just an excuse to give in to a person’s selfish desires.
Thats the thing Ian, I don’t necessarily mean change from “Good to bad”. I just mean, I tend to get uptight about any drastic change in someone’s life who I’m close to. So it was more of an indictment on me, though, it could also be on them too, depending on the situation. Some good points John and Ian. I’ll process this further.
I hate to say this, it’s so cliche……I can’t believe I’m going to say but…..What would Jesus do? I think about that in general when “People” are just irritating the crap out of me. In this scenario how would Jesus treat someone who has made a drastic change in their life? First and foremost he would love them regardless of their change. Not even getting to the forgiveness part yet, he would simply love them unconditionally and then move forward.
I’m really glad you labeled the pictures at the top. Otherwise, I may have gotten confused as to who was who.
In “Blue Like Jazz” Miller says that he was “tired of pretending to be the person he was supposed to be” or some facsimile thereof. i believe the drastic turn-about you describe is often the culmination of steady internal change.
We are very good pretenders most of the time. i can honestly say that there are things about me changing all the time, and were i not inclined to speak of them no one would know.
Sometimes it’s easier to change your life than to deal with the processes that led there. Being newly married as you are and not yet in full mid-life mode i suspect you have limited experience upon which to draw. Trust me, when as much of your life is behind you as is in front, the mechanism of desparation begins its assault. i totally get what drives a person to snap-change. i even get the ‘why’. It takes a strength that is not natural to fight it, or to channel it to good use.
Long live the community of Faith.
p.s. speaking of change, do the pants in the picture still fit?
…
As I was reading through this post and the comments that followed, I was struck by the fact that there are so many different responses. Many are really tangents to the original post.
Clearly, there is something quite primal going on.
There are huge issues here: issues of personal responsibility, issues of God’s grace, issues of interpersonal forgiveness… questions about the nature of friendship and how much of who we are is under our control.
Even while I was noticing all this another part of me wanted to jump into the conversation. I have my own responses, experiences, and reactions to all this.
I think, though, I’ll save those for another day. Instead, I simply want to throw out the observation that it seems like this topic is huge and close to the center of who we are.
actually, I mostly only read the comments and not the posts. is that weird? not, definitely not.
[...] wrote the last comment of my post yesterday (up to this point) called, “Not that person anymore” where he said, “I mostly only read the comments (speaking of my blog), and not the [...]