The time I hurt someone
A long time ago I did something really stupid. I made some decisions that affected a lot of people, hurt my reputation, and disappointed people who were close to me. The last consequence I wrote was the one that really got to me. I knew that I had hurt two people in my life that I really cared about, and I had disappointed each of them when I told them of my failure.
At the time, and even today, these two people had poured so much into my life and I really cared what they thought and how they felt about the way I was going about my life. So when I told them what I had done, I totally regretted the decisions I had made to get myself into this particular predicament.
They both gave me sound advice and were very bold in the way I needed to treat the matter for the future, and they both reiterated their love for me. But the damage was done, and my heart pounded like a sumo wrestler trying to outrun the bulls in Spain.
How much better of a friend and father is my Heavenly Father, who created me and cares for me every single day of my life? How much more amazing is my God who loves me through every decision, good or bad, and walks me through things I could never journey through alone?
So what is my disappointment level when I let Him down?
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Amen & Amen! We all have or are going to eventually do something that dissapoints those we care about most. Lord knows I have! It is going to happen, we were born with a carnal nature But in saying that, it still doesn’t make it any easier whan we let down those we love most. The only comfort & saving grace is that we serve a loving and forgiving God! It does hurt knowing that I have dissapointed Him, but I also know that he has cast my past dissapointments as far as the East is from the West.
Those we love can forgive, but sometimes it is hard for them to forget, and understandably so. God is the only one who can truly forgive and forget. We will still be held accountable for our actions when we reach the throne and I am sure it is going to be a dissapointing & shameful time for us, but He still loves us more than we will ever know while we are here on Earth.
If we are held accountable in the end and it will be a ‘dissapointing and shameful time for us’ than he doesn’t really forget does he?
WTF are you really saying?
You guys both talk about disapointment like you are proud of it, like by doing something bad you are now proud of how low you felt afterwards, and the amount of dejection you went though. To be judged by how deeply you were struck by conviction after you had done something terrible. Maybe get over yourself.
Truth is I’m always surprised by the Marty I meet on the internet. He is nothing like the Marty I know in real life. I think I know what this moment in your life was. And I bet it probably sucked harder than anything I have had to live through. I love that that experience lives in your life. But your blog makes it sound superficial and vague and generic. No one has generic experiences, everything meaningful is specific. So your blog always makes you sound like SUPER PRETENTIOUS.
It is interesting, Darren, how different people’s internet persona are from their real world personalities. I think that if we interact with the person in the real world on a regular basis then we filter all that we read through this lense. (Wow… That was the most tortured mixed metaphor ever.)
I think people who don’t know you in real life would probably imagine that you’re a rather confrontational person, based on your presentation on the net. I don’t claim to know you super well… but I don’t think that most people would describe you as confrontational who know you in the real world… And probably if you still lived in the area, being exposed to you (Shut up Burns… I hear you going there.
) on a regular basis, we’d probably view what you say on-line differently.
Personally, I don’t see a conflict in the idea that God might in some sense forget and the idea that we might be held accountable.
In one of the “New Kind of Christian” trilogy, the author has this really amazing– and terrifying– description of what judgement day would be like.
He talks about how we will come face to face with the full reality of everything we have done. It seems very reasonable that confronting the full reality of all that we’ve done is a necessary and terrible precursor to enjoying eternity in the afterlife.
If we did not face this fullness head on, it’s hard to see how there would not be some brokeness left from this life, some insecurity, some deep-down fear.
For God to place us in this position to confront the fullness of what we have done would not be an act of a vengeful God. It would be the act of an infinitely merciful one. No matter how literally you take the idea that God forgets our sins, God knows that we don’t forget our own sins. Even if He would not know the specifics, clearly he could expose us to those specifics.
(I actually don’t believe God literally forgets our sins, but that’s neither here nor there.)
If my own kids did something wrong, I’d have an obligation to ensure that they confrtonted the fullness of what they did. I would not want to hurt them but I would know if I don’t tell them they will always wonder: Just how far reaching were the consequences of what I did? I’d still do my best to make sure they found out even if I had alzheimers or some memento-like brain disorder that prevented me from knowing these specifics, I’d want them to know.
As for being proud of sinning, can somebody produce the quote from Paul, where he talks about the law, and the people who seem to be sinning just for the sake of sinning? (I guess that’s pretty vague, but you all are pretty good with these sorts of questions.)
We should rejoice in the depth of God’s love. One of the ways we get a really vivid picture of this is the depth of His forgiveness. The only place we see how deep his forgiveness is is in the depth of the worst of our mistakes.
I too have learned the hard way that my decisions/choices in life affect so many other people than just me. I have also gotten to experience the forgiveness and mercy of God. I am not proud of the wrongs I have committed in my life. But they are definitely lessons to be learned from.
well, I don’t know about that verse, Jeff, but the one that sticks out in my mind is “he who is forgiven much, loves much.” Maybe this is a bit off-topic, but it’s what I’m getting out of this post and the comments:
If I consider those words “he who is forgiven much, loves much”, I tend to agree. If you haven’t seen the absolute worst you can be, then you’ll never appreciate redemption or forgiveness as much as you could. OK, I guess what I’m referring to is in Luke 7:40-50. Jesus is invited into the home of some pharisees, and some lady comes and anoints his head with expensive oil and washes his feet with her kisses and tears, and he basically says to the pharisees that because her sins are many, she is forgiven much, and loves much. He then says that anyone who is forgiven little will love little.
Ok, nothing new, I suppose. I just guess I need to, and I encourage others to consider their sins (past and present) as well as their love of God and fellow man in light of this. For me, it means to realize that I’ve sinned a fair amount, and I’ve been forgiven a fair amount. Technically speaking, I’ve been forgiven 100% of my sins. So I should be 100% happy and loving. It’s only in comparing myself, more specifically, my sins, with those of others that I seem to only love 50% or 20%. So maybe that’s why I just plain don’t talk about my sins with others at such an open level (i.e. blog), but only with people in person, and only for a specific purpose, like to encourage a friend who is going through something I’ve gone through.
But in the end, I guess I’d just like to say that although disappointment comes when one realizes his sins, and is a pretty heavy emotion, it’s just that – an emotion. It’s physiological brain activity that we can turn into something wonderful, like friendship or creativity, or we can dwell on it and feel bad for a while. So if you did something wrong, realized it, then used your disappointment as fuel for taking yourself to the next level, then kudos to you! If you’re moping around, or even bragging about it on the internet, then BOO! HISS! I’m just not one to judge.
Burns, you’ve identified self-pity. i’m glad to hear that there’s grace at the heart of your complexity.
It’s difficult to discern the motives of others. Sometimes we get the sense that a person is trying to elicit sympathy and attention by baring their souls – especially on the internet or in crowds. Admittedly, i’m often cynical. But on another level it’s all part of the messy process of coping.
i’m just as concerned with those who have disdain for the type of self-effacing about which Marty has written. It’s a rather dubious protest which smacks of vicarious excusing. i know quite a few folks (myself included at times) who are quite adept at minimizing the depth and effect of their offenses. Like it or not, that’s yet another form of judging.
“…speaking words of wisdom…”
I miss hearing your voice Garret. You say in 5 words what would take the layman 2 sentences.
Great stuff!
Thanks for the encouragement.
Kinda begs the question; can one disappoint an all-knowing God?
Grieve, yes. Anger, yes. Disappoint, hmm?