Am I a sore loser?
I wanted to knock out my friend with this box
Its no surprise to people that I like to win. I enjoy it very much.
So last night I ran into a bit of a quandry as 4 other guys entered my house for an inpromtu game night. We decided to play “Settlers of Catan”, a trading/build your own civilization type board game. Usually this particular game is four players, but we happened to have the expansion pack, which allowed us to have 5-6 players. We had 5.
So how much do I like to win? This is a question I have asked myself alot in the last several years. I certainly have toned down my competitive nature in the last few years, which has been good for events like board games and pick up basketball, though in life, it has tended to make me a bit complacent (But that’s for another post).
So as we started the game, two of my friends playing found themselves on the outside looking in, and it quickly became a three player game in practice. So as the game progressed, the other two turned their attention away from winning to making sure I didn’t.
We finished the game, and I was pretty irritated. One of my friends, (who’s probably reading this now, and who I will not name, nor do I want him to name himself) who was particularly helping the winning competitor, started calling me a “sore loser” for being irritated. I don’t really think I was actually being a “sore loser”. I was only irritated because it felt like if I’m going to invest time into a 3-hour game, I would prefer there not to be an asterisk by the winner’s name.
All that said, I had a great time last night with my friends, and I realize that nights like that are much more than who wins the game. But I ask you now, because I value your opinion:
By being irritated, was I being a “sore loser”?
Related posts:
Competition is something very visceral. Part of the reason games are fun is that they create a safe, good-faith environment where you can bring that spirit to the table. But that good faith environment depends on a few things, and one of them is a sense of fair play. That said, delaying someone else’s win is totally fair game, even if you’re not winning. Deliberately throwing the game to a competitor in a way that couldn’t be construed as delaying? Usually just uncool. Sometimes kosher if the person you’re trying to make lose totally screwed you during that game.
To the sense it is a social game, I try to disengage my competitive sense early if I feel things aren’t going well or are going, um, “unjustly,” but dousing the competitive fire is easier for some than others. I mean, let’s face it, if you could turn it off like a switch, you’d probably be a sociopath.
Speaking of highly competitive games, I would suggest Diplomacy. It’s a strategy game set in WWI. It’s like Risk, except there are far, far fewer armies and *no* randomness. You negotiate your moves with your fellow players, write them down secretly on scraps of paper, and then all the moves resolve at once. How successful your moves are generally depends on the moves of other players, so negotiation is very important. The whole game is focused around finding exactly the best time to back-stab your greatest ally. Unfortunately, the game really needs seven players.
Then Adam, I challenge you to a game of Diplomacy. With 5 others of course.
not a sore loser, just a loser
I remember the time when you and mike almost got over a fist fight cause he didn’t think the trade we were forcing him into was fair.
Hmmm. This is all pretty easy for me. I’m fairly complacent and thoroughly non-competetive. I can’t even say it’s something I have to work at it and deserve credit for. It’s just the way I’m wired. So I’m careful about casting judgements here. It’d be just as silly as somebody judging me for having utterly no sense of rythmn (Seriously, I can’t even find the beat on songs at church. The only time I ever clap is if there’s somebody who I can watch clapping.)
That said, I think it only counts as a rule if it’s written down in the rule book. It seems to me that there’s this idea that maybe teaming up against somebody is breaking an unwritten rule. But I resist the idea that there is such a thing as unwritten rules. If they won by the rules, they won by the rules.
The people you played against run a risk by playing in a way that wasn’t fun for you. The risk that they run is that perhaps you won’t want to play next time.
It seems like it comes down to the question “Why are you playing?”
I understand the answer “I play to win” when there is a prize involved. I like prizes. But if you’re not walking away with a trophy or the pot from a poker game (pot like money not the other kind) then I don’t quite get what’s to be irritated over.
yeah, that was totally priceless. we both know I was right anyways.