I wrote this recently in a topic discussion of a facebook group I’m in for those who attended the church/school in which I grew up. The topic is my dad, who was the pastor of the church, and who now pastors a church in Indiana. So here goes:
“It’s taken me quite a bit of thought to write what I’m thinking about my dad.
One of the things I’ve learned in my 10 years of ministry here at Fellowship Church in Massachusetts is that “everything rises and falls on leadership.” (thank you John Maxwell) We have all learned this through examples like the office of the presidency or through what happened at TCA when it closed down, not to mention how close the church was to closing. And the reason this was, was because of poor leadership at the top.
As a pastor, one thing I know now is that at the end of the day, there is a monstrous difference between being a part of something and being the leader of something. Someone who is a part can quickly choose not to be a part. Or even to undermine that which leads. The person who leads must take the ultimate blame for each failure and give praise to others for the good things that have happened. This is what makes a leader a person of character.
So here is my dad, a 23 year old man, who walks into a situation where everyone’s older than him, yet he must lead them. Then years down the road he has three kids (who were all selfish if you ask me), and whose wife ends up having, what we now call “Bipolar disorder.“ Of course people in the Independent Baptist movement didn’t really believe in mental disorders at that point, so it was much easier to think of her having some sort of sin on her life. (which by the way, they were told, more than once)
So running this home, and the church, and spending time with the kids, and going to every funeral, wedding, and church event, coupled with the way he was trained as a fundamentalist (Have I mentioned that I can’t believe these people get to call themselves “fundamentalists”?) was all certainly more than I could have handled.
Then there’s the pain of friends who turn their backs on you, typically because of someone else’s wrong doing (though not always). They get mad. They walk away. And years of investment in the life of friends is wiped out by someone getting pissed off. This too is leadership, and something which every leader must deal with. I don’t speak of these things by the way, because they are what my dad told me. My dad never said an unkind word of anyone in Fremont. In 18 years of being there, he still feels like this was one of the greatest times of his life.
Then the truth is that my dad was at home who he was at church.
We hear stories all the time of pastor’s kids living badly because their parents were hypocrites. This is absolutely not true of our household. I’m sure that Amie and Brooke and I made some poor decisions in our lives, but none of them had anything to do with the character of my dad. In fact, when I went into college, I wanted nothing more than to stay away from the church. Not because of my dad, but because I knew the sacrifices it would lead to. Later on, the example of my dad was one of the big reasons I chose to go into ministry. We saw at the house who you saw at the church.
The smile.
The occasional drifting away look like some big decision had to be made.
The immediate desire to help someone who needed his help.
As a pastor I’ve seen a dozen men in ministry run from their families if things weren’t going well. But not my dad. He was called to a ministry-at home, at church, in life-and he was going to accomplish those tasks.
He still is accomplishing those tasks. And I’m proud to say that although I have a lot of pastoral mentors in my life, there is none more important to me than him.
Thanks Martin F. Holman
