What I could have said
I went to a viewing tonight.
It was for the grandfather of my friend, Jason and his brother, my new blogger friend Chris. Their grandfather lived a full life, and was in his 90′s (I believe) when he passed away this last weekend. But something struck me as I talked to them for only a brief moment – I had very little to say.
I reached out my hand to them, and said “If there’s anything I can do for your family, please let me know.” Earlier I had told Jason I would be praying for him and his family. And those were the only words I had. The night was certainly not about me, and they had a line of people talking to them, so I walked away after being there for only a short time and saying only these few short words.
As I drove away on this beautiful evening here in new England, I started questioning whether I was a very good pastor or not. Shouldn’t I be loaded with good things to say at this time? Shouldn’t I be able to tell them how it’s all good and God is good and everythngs going to be all right? And while I certainly believe each of those things, I coudn’t bring myself to dig up the trite expressions of the positive person I am. All I could say was, in essence, “I’m here for you. Whatever I can do, just say my name.”
My heart was heavy thinking about it. So I called up my own grandfather (not realizing the irony of it) in Indiana. He’s been a pastor since 1964, and surely he’d tell me the things I should have said. I told him of my plight, and of how I felt inept of my calling, and how I should have been able to say something else – something profound.
Unfortunately (or not) he told me I said the only thing you could say – an encouraging word. “No need to expound on doctrine or rhetoric at that point, but just offer an encouraging word of prayer and/or scripture” In a sense, you can just be there for them.
So that’s what I am. Here, for my friend if he needs it, and here if he’s doing good. The point about friendship is that a friend is there for their friends. Not necessarily profound or smart or good or cunning – but just there.
And so for all of my friends and family and church family and community – I’m here, even if that’s all I have to say.
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Marty,
Your presence was appreciated. Even if you don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to say either. It’s hard to really address the issue in the 10 seconds going down the line. Believe me, we were glad to see you. I’ll be posting my eulogy very soon. Between that & Jason’s, you’ll get a good picture of who our Grandpa was. Thanks for being available.